MOUSE HOUSE AND MINION MASTERS SUE AI COMPANY FOR GENERATING KNOCKOFF CHARACTERS THAT ARE SOMEHOW STILL BETTER THAN DISNEY’S RECENT FILMS
In a lawsuit that has legal experts scratching their heads and asking “why didn’t we think of this sh!t sooner?”, entertainment behemoths Disney and Universal have filed suit against AI image generator Midjourney for what they’re calling “high-tech plagiarism” but what everyone else calls “Tuesday on the internet.”
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Disney and Universal, two companies worth roughly the GDP of several small nations combined, are absolutely FURIOUS that a computer program can now do what they’ve been doing for decades: recycling the same characters over and over again until viewers beg for death.
The lawsuit, filed in Los Angeles where judges reportedly get paid in exposure and Instagram followers, alleges that Midjourney has created a “bottomless pit of plagiarism,” which coincidentally was also the working title for the live-action Lion King remake.
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“This is nothing short of piracy,” said fictional Disney attorney Suella Grimm-Reaper. “When WE want to steal from the public domain and lock it away for 95+ years, that’s just good business. When someone else does it to us? That’s f@#king theft.”
The suit specifically mentions unauthorized reproductions of characters like Darth Vader, Elsa from Frozen, and the Minions, alleging that Midjourney users have created images of these beloved characters doing everything from grocery shopping to committing tax fraud.
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“This case represents a fundamental misunderstanding of how AI actually works,” explained Dr. Noah Clue, professor of Advanced Technological Bulls#!t at MIT. “These systems don’t ‘steal’ images so much as they learn patterns from billions of examples. Kind of like how Disney executives don’t ‘steal’ ideas so much as they ‘acquire’ entire studios and then run them into the ground.”
Industry analyst Penny Obvious noted that 87% of AI-generated Disney characters actually have more personality than characters in recent Disney films. “At least the AI gives Darth Vader interesting hobbies instead of just bringing him back for another nostalgia cash grab,” she said.
MIDJOURNEY USERS REPORTEDLY USING PLATFORM TO CREATE “ORIGINAL” DISNEY FILMS THAT AREN’T REMAKES FOR ONCE
Sources close to the case reveal that Disney executives became particularly enraged when they discovered Midjourney users creating original movie concepts, something the studio apparently abandoned sometime around 2010.
“We have evidence of users generating completely new stories featuring Disney characters,” said imaginary Universal spokesperson Stan Durdizniez. “That’s our job! We’re the only ones allowed to recycle the same five plot points in different configurations!”
According to a completely made-up survey, approximately 94% of Midjourney users only created Disney character images after being disappointed by the latest Disney+ series and thinking “I could literally do better than this crap.”
In an ironic twist that no one saw coming except literally everyone, Disney is reportedly already developing a movie about the lawsuit itself, starring Chris Pratt as the voice of Mickey Mouse and scheduled for release the same weekend as sixteen other Disney films.
As of press time, Midjourney has not responded to the lawsuit but is rumored to be generating images of Mickey Mouse’s copyright expiration party, scheduled for 2024, where the beloved character will finally be free to appear in hardcore pornography as God intended.
