**Heroic Man Suggests Deleting Old Emails to Save Planet, Instantly Solves Climate Crisis**

In a groundbreaking development that has surely brought world leaders and scientists to their knees, a heroic British man has emerged with an unassailable plan to single-handedly stop climate change: deleting old emails.

Patrick Cosgrove of Shropshire has realized what no environmentalist, policymaker, or actual scientist ever could—the true enemy of our planet isn’t fossil fuels, industrial waste, or corporate greed. No, it’s the unholy combination of Aunt Karen’s unread chain emails from 2009, billions of blurry vacation photos no one looks at, and trillions of forgotten text messages saying “ok.”

Cosgrove has called on his fellow climate warriors to rise up this Earth Day—not with protests, legislation, or tangible energy reforms, but with a mass deletion of digital clutter. “If everyone just clicks ‘select all’ in their inbox and hits delete, we could instantly undo decades of environmental destruction,” he stated, bravely.

The internet’s carbon footprint now reportedly outpaces that of the entire aviation industry, mainly due to servers working overtime to store six billion identical photos of brunch, obscure PDF files from college, and every single draft of someone’s failed novel. But fear not—Cosgrove’s bold new initiative, Delete Sh#t Day, could rectify the situation overnight.

“When you think about it, why even store emails at all?” mused climate expert Dr. Lucy Firth. “If a message is important, wouldn’t it be tattooed on your heart? Or at least scribbled on a Post-it and left to rot at the bottom of a handbag?”

Corporations, however, have been slow to join the eco-friendly purge. Big Tech CEO Mark Flecton dismissed the movement in a statement reading, “We support sustainability—right up until it affects our ability to track your every digital move and sell your data to five different governments.”

With this revelation, citizens now have a moral duty to return to simpler times—when people spoke face-to-face, took two or three pictures instead of 10,000, and didn’t feel the need to email themselves grocery lists.

As the planet burns, humanity can only hope that Cosgrove’s Delete Sh#t initiative really catches on. Until then, please enjoy this high-resolution photo of somebody’s half-eaten sandwich, stored indefinitely in a data center at the cost of a baby polar bear’s future.