In Shocking Twist, David Attenborough Now Spokesperson for AI-Generated Flat Earth Theory and Alien Pizza Toppings
In a bewildering development that has the world collectively clutching its pearls, it has been discovered that the beloved voice of David Attenborough has been hijacked by artificial intelligence. The legendary naturalist, known for soothingly narrating the joys of the dung beetle and the mating habits of the lesser-spotted tree toad, is now reportedly pontificating wildly about—get this—alien life on Earth and the ultimate correctness of conspiracy theories.
This latest techno-nightmare comes courtesy of the “innovative” tech bros who have gifted us with such modern marvels as social media addiction and the anxiety-inducing metaverse. According to the BBC, a number of websites and YouTube channels have taken the creative liberty of using AI to mimic Attenborough’s voice, having him weigh in authoritatively on topics like, “How to Cook Pizza on Mars” and “Flat Earth: The Ultimate Truth and Other Fairy Tales.”
Ironically, while tech developers remain in awe of their own genius, the world is left scratching its collective head. “I always thought Sir David would stay out of weird and controversial debates,” said an astounded listener from Stoke-on-Trent, “but now I’m questioning if everything in my life is an AI distortion…including my cat.”
It’s not the first time AI has gone rogue on celebrity vocals. Scarlett Johansson, known for her roles in films that require mysterious gazes and whispers, previously had her voice replicated by ChatGPT for a virtual assistant named Sky. OpenAI, the ethically dubious mastermind behind the bot, claimed it was merely a coincidence that Sky sounded like Johansson, asserting that it was actually the voice of “a completely random professional actress who just happens to regularly daydream of mind-control scandals.”
Legal eagles are now tied up in courtroom battles, using precedents that were written back when the most advanced piece of technology was a toaster. Their prosecutorial effectiveness has been compared to trying to eat soup with a fork—fascinating yet utterly ineffective.
In a final twist of abject tragedy, we now live in a world where we can trust nothing and no one—except maybe the shameless honesty of a tabloid headline. As one weary citizen put it, “If David Attenborough can tell me that flat-Earth pizza toppings are legit, then really, what’s left in the world worth believing?”
