Chinese AI Firm Accused of Copying OpenAI’s Homework, OpenAI Furious They Didn’t Monetize It First
Silicon Valley is reeling after OpenAI took a break from allegedly siphoning the collective works of artists, writers, and journalists to accuse a Chinese hedge fund-backed company, DeepSeek, of “inappropriately distilling” its precious AI models. Naturally, the tech world has responded with gasps of horror, conveniently forgetting that OpenAI’s business model has often resembled a kid copying answers in class and then charging others to see them.
“We take aggressive, proactive countermeasures to protect our technology,” OpenAI sniffed in a statement, seemingly unaware of the cosmic irony. Insiders say the company is considering serious retaliation, like suing DeepSeek for acting exactly like OpenAI—but, you know, without OpenAI profiting from it.
DeepSeek, for its part, has been too busy watching OpenAI’s stock price implode to issue a formal response. One anonymous DeepSeek executive, when reached for comment, reportedly asked, “Wait, so they’re mad that someone took something they didn’t own in the first place? Is this performance art?”
The tech sphere, usually filled with people blabbering about how copying is just “how progress works,” is now engaged in panicked soul-searching, wondering if maybe—just maybe—theft only counts when it happens to them. “Look, when OpenAI does it, it’s innovation,” said one Silicon Valley investor while sipping his oat milk latte. “When China does it, it’s… terrifying. Very scary. National-security-level scary.”
Meanwhile, millions of actual creatives—whose work has allegedly been vacuumed up by AI companies before being regurgitated for profit—are watching this entire meltdown with barely disguised glee. “Oh no,” sighed one independent artist with absolutely zero sincerity. “I sure hope OpenAI gets justice.”
At press time, Sam Altman was allegedly working on a new model—an AI that could convincingly claim OpenAI owned everything, including your thoughts, your dreams, and, if necessary, whatever DeepSeek just did.
