In Latest Attempt to Fend Off Global Monopoly Muscling, China Accuses Nvidia of Having Too Many Friends on Facebook
In a groundbreaking move that rocked Wall Street, the People’s Republic of China has become the valiant defender against tech giant Nvidia’s insidious friendship network. Citing what experts are calling “a hunch,” the State Administration for Market Regulation (SAMR)—a group of seasoned Facebook stalkers—firmly declared that Nvidia’s robust connections might just be a law-breaking relationship pyramid.
The investigation follows a time-honored tradition of international chess, where superpowers trade moves like middle-schoolers trading lunch snacks, but with higher economic stakes and substantially less nutritional content.
“This is merely a preemptive strike against a probable friendly monopoly,” one unnamed SAMR official allegedly confided to a tech-savvy fortune cookie. “Our social media analysis reveals that Nvidia’s profile page has an absurd number of likes. We can’t let these virtual friendships plot hostile takeovers of innocent semiconductor markets.”
Nvidia, famed for its artificial intelligence and gaming chips, is now grappling with its newfound fame as the unofficial poster-child of alleged networking renegades. The company, caught off-guard while updating its status to “stressed,” responded with a poignant emoji shrug.
Industry experts speculate that this investigation might just be a smoke screen—an elaborate charade to distract international gaze from China’s clandestine quest to breed the next-gen Tamagotchi.
Meanwhile, Nvidia enthusiasts around the globe rapidly consult online courses on friendship law, wearing ironic T-shirts inscribed boldly with “Friends Don’t Let Friends Violate Antitrust Laws.”
“Nvidia has simply become too popular too fast,” theorized a tech analyst who Googles everything, adding, “This was inevitable when a company gets overzealous with friend requests.”
The world eagerly awaits China’s next chess move in this epic game over microprocessors, suspecting that a new embargo on Nvidia’s virtual Farmville crops could be simmering. Until then, the global community sits in suspense, curiously asking, “Who wants to be Nvidi-a’s friend request?”
