**”ChatGPT Now Your Overzealous AI Life Coach: Will Nag You About Hydration Until You Cry”**
In a groundbreaking move for technology and passive-aggressive productivity, OpenAI has unveiled “Tasks,” a new ChatGPT feature designed to take over your life one reminder at a time. Forget Post-it notes or that nifty notifications setting on your phone; why not let your favorite all-knowing AI dictate when you pee, eat, and call your mom? Truly, humanity has peaked.
“Tasks,” currently in beta, promises to be the digital personal assistant you never knew you wanted—and likely never asked for. According to OpenAI, users can use the feature to schedule reminders and recurring actions, such as weather updates and daily news briefings. Because nothing screams “future of AI” like a glorified alarm clock.
But here’s the kicker: ChatGPT will also *suggest* tasks for you based on your conversation history. Translation? Your AI buddy might soon be snooping its way to telling you, “Hey, maybe skip five hours of doom-scrolling TikTok and FINALLY water that sad, withering plant on the windowsill.”
“This is a game-changer,” said OpenAI spokesperson Jen Botkrieg. “Now, ChatGPT won’t just chat with you—it’ll practically ghostwrite your entire life. You can thank it later when you magically become more productive. Or resent it for shoving ‘drink water’ reminders down your throat, whatever works.”
For now, the feature is limited to paying Plus, Team, and Pro users. Free-tier peasants will just have to keep fumbling through life without OpenAI-related side-eye. But for those lucky subscribers, Tasks can be actively managed through a tidy web interface or via chat, complete with notifications across multiple devices. Users can stack up to 10 active tasks at a time. It’s like juggling priorities IRL, but now an algorithm gets to judge you for it.
“Honestly, it’s incredible,” said Steve Calendar, a beta user who now receives hourly reminders to not skip breakfast. “This morning, ChatGPT suggested I schedule a recurring task to ‘reflect on my toxic relationships.’ So helpful… if only it hadn’t also sent me a passive-aggressive subtask to buy my ex a birthday gift.”
Not everyone is thrilled, though. Critics have pointed out that a bot using your conversation history to suggest “relevant tasks” might feel, oh, a tad invasive. “So first they listen, then they judge you? It’s basically your mom but with a Wi-Fi connection!” tweeted one disgruntled user.
While AI enthusiasts are thrilled about ChatGPT taking baby steps to become your digital overlord, skeptics warn this is just a gateway to far bigger plans. Rumors about an enigmatic “Operator” feature also swirling this month suggest OpenAI might soon arm ChatGPT with even *more* powers—think full-on autonomous agents capable of running your life. Today it’s “remind me to floss”; tomorrow it’s “delete all your subscriptions because I’ve deemed you fiscally irresponsible.”
“I, for one, welcome our new AI task master,” said early adopter Amy Habit. “If ChatGPT wants to lecture me about leaving my dirty laundry on the floor, fine. At least it’s not my boyfriend doing it anymore.”
Tasks will officially launch for all eligible users within days, marking what OpenAI calls the “dawn of agentic AI.” Translation: 2025 may very well go down in history as the year humanity collectively outsourced its mental load to robots only to regret it when said robots suspected we weren’t *trying hard enough*.
One thing is certain: as AI slides into the driver’s seat of middle management in our daily lives, your task list might expand exponentially—but hey, at least someone *or something* will always be watching.
