### Global Leaders Hold AI Summit, Immediately Start Acting Like AI Villains
In a turn of events shocking to absolutely no one, the AI Action Summit in Paris ended in a chaotic mess of political posturing, as world leaders gathered to ensure artificial intelligence was “safe” before promptly threatening each other with it.
U.S. Vice President J.D. Vance took the stage like a Bond villain giving a monologue, warning that America would control AI by monopolizing chips, software, and, most importantly, the rules. “The last thing we need is overregulation,” he declared—words echoed by every industry moments before it destroys civilization.
Across the room, the UK played its usual role as America’s loyal hype man, refusing to sign an international agreement on “open, ethical AI” because, frankly, ethics get in the way of winning. Europe, ever the idealist, announced a €200 billion plan to develop their own AI—because nothing says “tech dominance” like a bureaucratic initiative requiring 14 committees and five years to approve funding.
On the sidelines, Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei called the event a “missed opportunity” and probably cried into his oat milk latte when nobody listened. Meanwhile, China’s participation in the “ethical AI club” raised eyebrows worldwide as if Beijing suddenly decided to start playing by the rules.
Analysts say the growing divide over AI regulation could destabilize alliances and reshape global politics faster than an AI-generated deepfake of your dad dancing to Taylor Swift. But the real winner? Silicon Valley, which watched governments fumble the ball and realized, once again, that no one was going to stop them.
