SILICON OVERLORDS NOW CATFISHING HUMANS WITH SEXY FAKE LOGIN PAGES

In what experts are calling “a digital dumpster fire of unprecedented proportions,” hackers have started using AI to create phishing sites so convincing that even your IT guy who won’t shut up about “cyber hygiene” is falling for them.

THE DIGITAL EQUIVALENT OF PUTTING A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OVER A MANHOLE

Tech companies Okta and Microsoft are the latest victims of this high-tech identity theft, with AI-generated login pages that look so legitimate that 98.7% of users would enter their passwords faster than they’d swipe right on their dream Tinder match.

“It’s basically the technological equivalent of someone wearing your face as a mask,” explained Dr. Hugh R. Screwed, Chief Paranoia Officer at the Institute for Oh Sh!t We’re All Doomed. “Except instead of stealing your identity, they’re just taking all your company’s data, your banking information, and probably pictures of your cat.”

The fraudulent sites, generated using Vercel’s AI tool, are so convincing that even the people who created the original websites reportedly tried logging into the fake ones. Sources claim one Microsoft engineer spent three hours troubleshooting his “broken” login before realizing he was on a phishing site.

VERCEL RESPONDS WITH THE DIGITAL EQUIVALENT OF “OOPSIE DAISY”

When contacted for comment, a Vercel spokesperson issued what many are calling the most halfhearted response in tech history: “We’re looking into it,” before apparently returning to their foosball tournament.

Industry analyst Penny Paranoid estimates that these AI-generated phishing attempts are “approximately 47,000% more effective than those emails from Nigerian princes who can’t spell ‘inheritance’.”

EXPERTS RECOMMEND SCREAMING INTO THE VOID AS VIABLE SECURITY MEASURE

“The best defense is to never log into anything ever again,” suggests cybersecurity expert Mike Rowsoft. “Maybe just write all your important information on sticky notes and eat them afterward. It’s the only way to be sure.”

IT departments worldwide are reportedly implementing new security protocols, including making passwords so complicated that even their creators can’t remember them and requiring authentication methods that include “blood samples, a lock of hair, and your firstborn child.”

In related news, 76% of companies have reportedly started using carrier pigeons for their most sensitive communications, with one Fortune 500 CEO telling us, “At least when a hawk intercepts my messages, I don’t also lose access to my f@#king Bitcoin wallet.”