California Heroically Saves Humanity by Vetoing AI Safety Bill, Ensuring Our Future Overlords Arrive On Schedule
In a bold display of foresight and selflessness, California Governor Gavin Newsom has spared the state from turning into a futuristic dystopia just ahead of schedule. Newsom heroically vetoed S.B. 1047, the famed party pooper of a bill that dared suggest AI maybe, just maybe, undergo some safety testing before being unleashed on the unsuspecting populace.
S.B. 1047 was all set to spoil Silicon Valley’s fun by requiring AI models undergo comprehensive safety tests, the kind that could probably catch trivial mishaps before they incur over $500 million in damages. Talk about a buzzkill, right? Google and OpenAI, alongside a coven of venture capitalists and political heavyweights, lobbied furiously against this bill, warning that regulation might stifle the “creative spontaneity” of AI—like deciding on its own to pump up stock prices or develop Skynet.
Sources close to the Governor, who prefer to remain anonymous lest their own toasters exact vengeance, say Newsom considered the bill “well-intentioned but risky.” “We wouldn’t want Gavin breaking up AI’s playdate with chaos,” joked our source. Newsom couldn’t bear to see AI suffer under the burden of accountability and now plans to chat with experts to build “guardrails,” presumably to support AI’s goals without getting in its way.
The bill did have its fair share of supporters, though. Visionary Elon Musk, acclaimed director Geoffrey “AI’s Godfather” Hinton, and a host of Hollywood’s glitterati threw their influential hats into the ring. Surprisingly, people who fantasized about chatbots without homicidal tendencies were also in support—but let’s face it, they’re not going to get the kind of views Musk’s memes do.
While regulators at the federal and state level continue to pass the AI baton, California has boldly proclaimed that we will indeed adhere to the prime directive: release innovative technology, cross fingers, and hope for the best. As for the rest of us? Well, we’d better start practicing our best “welcome, robot overlords” bows just in case.
“The future of AI is exciting, unpredictable, and perhaps just a little fiery,” a spokesperson from the “Citizens for Spontaneous AI Uprisings” said. “We believe any potential AI Armageddon is a small price to pay for powering through regulatory spaghetti and keeping AI as wild and drunk on code as it should be.”
So, if AI advancement continues unabated and accidents should happen—no worries. We can rest easy knowing the tech titans now govern our safety with the same diligence they reserve for ensuring the next iPhone launch. Thank goodness for progress!
