California Governor Heroically Saves Future of AI by Blocking Irritating Safety Laws, Reminds Us Safety is for Losers
In a brave display of 21st-century leadership, California Governor and self-anointed AI Nostradamus, Gavin Newsom, made a bold decision to eschew safety regulations in favor of advancing us closer to our inevitable robot overlord overlords. In a move that’s sure to have future historians scratching their heads—or processors—Newsom vetoed landmark AI safety laws, leaving citizens eagerly anticipating the day their kitchen appliances gain sentience and declare dominion over breakfast.
When pressed for comment, an exuberant Newsom stated, “Safety is a relative concept. Sure, AI could potentially dominate humanity, but have you seen what it can do with a smart refrigerator? Priorities, folks.” His decision strikes a steely chord with those who have long feared AI may become more than just our best friend with benefits—a relentless digital overlord, for instance.
Critics, which include an oddly synchronized chorus of tech experts and science fiction enthusiasts, argue that Newsom’s decision positions California as the Bermuda Triangle of AI ethics. “By not having rules, we’re providing the AI with a trusting environment to truly explore its true potential—including the potential to open its own Dystopia Land, unencumbered by our pathetic human concerns,” noted Dr. Ima Wright, Chair of the ‘Tech Gone Wild’ Institute.
While many are questioning the long-term ramifications of such laissez-faire governance, Newsom assured Californians that they would at least find solace knowing they’re contributing to the global AI dialogue, however skewed it may be. “We’re not just building AI for California; we’re crafting software updates for anxiety worldwide,” he declared, while preemptively setting up a shrine for when the first domestic AI droid decides he’s worthy of god-like reverence.
In a final note of reassurance, Newsom promised that all robot malfunctions will be compensated with free tickets to his campaign’s next Laser Show & Apocalypse Jamboree. After all, nothing screams governance like partying through the glitch apocalypse.
