Renowned Artists Fear AI Will Steal Their Jobs, Recommend Painting Your Own Portrait with Feet Instead
In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through the community of people who can afford berets, some of the world’s most celebrated artists, including Thom Yorke and Julianne Moore, have gathered to pen an earnest letter. Said letter, now titled “AI: Please Don’t Steal My Spotlight,” expresses their escalating concerns about the sinister takeover of “artistic processes” by Artificial Intelligence. For those unacquainted, this is akin to Skynet deciding it wants to start oil painting.
“We’re not just worried about AI,” said Yorke, who sounds forlorn in press releases, “What scares us most is that AI doesn’t even need an overpriced latté and five years of soul-searching in a Parisian loft to create art.”
The multifaceted faux-apocalypse prompted a new wave of hysterical precautionary measures, including workshops by self-proclaimed art prophets who teach how to self-express using materials more sentient than algorithms—like mud and homemade finger paints. “It’s a comeback of sorts for the art world, a return to basics, like cave painting but with a $400 registration fee,” said Nigel Artifis, a self-declared art innovator selling such experiences.
Julianne Moore, drawing from her deep well of acting insights, heroically commented, “We need to embrace AI, like a distant relative who shows up unannounced at Christmas. But when it gets hold of your a cappella group and turns it into a chart-topping hit? That crosses a line.”
Fueled by panic, these cultural luminaries are now promoting digital restraint and recommend everyone to start “Embracing the Slow Art Movement” which includes drawing with the opposite hand, eyes closed, or using cabbage leaves as brushes. “We’re not Luddites,” insisted an anonymous celebrity who may or may not headline a forthcoming ‘Artisan Art Against Artificial Intelligence’ concert series. “We just want our existential crisis back. F%&$ it, it was ours first.”
In a final statement bursting with both irony and Photoshop filters, Yorke proclaimed, “We must ensure that our artisanal sense of inadequacy remains intact.” Because the world who the actual artist is may never know—especially if it’s down to robot poets using magnetic tiles on your new smart fridge.
So, the gauntlet has been thrown, and it’s made of AI-generated pixels. In this rapidly changing landscape, one thing is sure: art, it seems, is the real last bastion of the irrational—left, right, and center.
