Arm Suddenly Decides It’s Done Sharing, Will Now Make Its Own Chips Like a Big Kid
After decades of cheerfully handing out its chip designs like a suburban mom offering snacks at a soccer game, British semiconductor designer Arm has reportedly decided, “Screw it, we’re making our own.” And why the sudden change of heart? Oh, just a little deal with a company called Meta, because when Mark Zuckerberg gives you money, you start thinking you can do anything.
The SoftBank-owned Arm has long operated under a simple business model: create blueprints for chips, then let actual manufacturers do the hard work. But apparently, staring at companies like Apple and Nvidia rolling in cash for years has triggered a midlife crisis. Now, Arm wants in on the action, despite having never actually built a chip itself. “We realized that maybe—just maybe—we should be the ones profiting off our own genius,” said a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous due to fear of getting fired for stating the obvious.
Industry experts are already bracing for the chaos. “This is like a librarian suddenly deciding to write a novel overnight,” said tech analyst Jordan Reed. “Sure, they know books, but do they know how to actually make one… that doesn’t suck?”
Some customers aren’t thrilled about Arm’s makeover. Big tech companies have relied on its neutral, blueprint-only approach. “We trusted Arm because it wasn’t competing with us,” said one nervous exec. “Now it’s out here acting like it can just waltz into the big leagues overnight? I mean… good luck with that.”
Meanwhile, SoftBank, which owns Arm, is reportedly thrilled at the idea of squeezing more cash out of its investment. “We encouraged this decision the same way a sleep-deprived parent encourages a toddler trying to ‘help’ in the kitchen,” said a source within SoftBank. “We’re smiling, nodding, and hoping nothing blows up.”
As Arm prepares to launch its debut chip, the tech world is watching closely. Will it be a game-changer, or will it just be another overhyped attempt to disrupt an industry that never asked to be disrupted? Either way, the popcorn is ready.
