Apple Announces AI Revolution with Slightly Better Siri and an Impressive Waitlist System
In an astonishing move that absolutely no one saw coming, tech giant Apple has unveiled its first wave of Apple Intelligence features, predictably late to the AI party but arriving in style with a revolutionary set of tools almost nobody asked for. This highly anticipated launch coincides with the latest updates for iOS 18.1 and macOS Sequoia 15.1, bringing forth an array of computer tricks that might make you say, “Oh wow, my phone can do that now, too?”
First on the list, Apple has rolled out scintillating systemwide writing tools. Now, the masses can rewrite, proofread, and summarize their text with the unparalleled elegance of a luxury sedan’s cupholder. Next, the photo search has been enhanced, finally making it possible to find that one poorly lit concert photo amongst the sea of selfies and accidental pocket shots.
The pièce de résistance, a newly redesigned Siri, now features typing support because who wouldn’t want to add another step to an already hands-free interaction? Siri can also better understand context, which could potentially mean fewer misunderstood requests and misheard urban-you know-whats (SIRI: “Did you mean bike share?”)
Unfortunately for nostalgic Apple device owners, only the latest gadgets with M1/A17 Pro chips will have the pleasure of sampling this smorgasbord of digital delights. If your device is among the chosen, rejoice! You may qualify for Apple’s exclusive waitlist experience, where the thrill of anticipation aligns seamlessly with their launch of the ‘Please Hold’ home décor series.
Future updates promise even grander feats with exciting names like ChatGPT integration, Image Playground, and Genmoji—features that already exist on numerous other platforms but will surely sparkle with Apple’s trademark… charge port.
Over at Meta HQ, a surprising development is underway as they race to rival Google in the search engine arena. Perhaps in an attempt to create a world where Facebook arguments need not pause for fact-checking, Meta’s reportedly building its own AI-powered search engine. Mark Zuckerberg and his elves have been busy constructing this dream in secret since early 2024, presumably amidst the ever-fluctuating social media landscape, where deleting a post can sometimes mysteriously cause the sun to rise three hours early in Oslo.
Meanwhile, Universal Music Group has heroically teamed up with Klay Vision to secure the creative freedom of AI music, ensuring that robot-generated tunes will pose no threat to the human auteurs tirelessly remixing “Happy Birthday” with 808 kicks.
Critics argue if these AI features herald Apple’s latest claim to innovation or if they’ve just inhaled their own Genius Bar’s fumes. Only time will tell—probably because the AI features can’t quite yet.
