Venture Capitalists Shocked to Discover AI Tool That Does All Their Thinking for Them, Throw $20 Million in Delight
In a staggering revelation that has likely sent shivers through the spines of stenographers everywhere, the AI-powered notepad app known as Granola has not only captured the hearts of venture capitalists but has also managed to snatch a cool $20 million in funding faster than an intern can be told their “input is valued.” Industry insiders report that this whirlwind of financial generosity occurred in the brief span of a week, a timeframe barely sufficient for most VCs to complete their counterproductive golf retreats.
Granola, the app that effectively massages the weary minds of investors by attending meetings in their stead and jotting down anything that sounds too complex for mere human comprehension, has been hailed as the savior of venture capitalists everywhere. “Granola has transformed my working life,” stated Marvin Fuddlesworth, a venture capitalist who was previously unaware that meetings required actual note-taking. “I used to attend meetings just to count ceiling tiles. Now, I’m a power networker. It’s like magic!” Fuddlesworth then returned to furiously scrolling Instagram, in search of inspirational yacht quotes.
Experts speculate that the popularity of Granola is likely due to its sophisticated AI, capable of turning rudimentary one-line pitch meetings into Shakespearian sonnets — or at least something powerful enough to hoodwink other savvy investors. Notably, the app even inserts polite laughter, adding a touch of humanity to even the driest of business proposals. One anonymous VC remarked, “For the first time, I genuinely sounded engaged at a meeting. I don’t know what this ‘empathy’ thing is, but it’s fantastic.”
In a move that screamed “send us more money,” Granola’s creators revealed that as soon as they realized VCs adored their product, they decided to haphazardly throw together plans for a Series B, C — heck, even a Z if it exists, citing their impending global dominance as more important than trivial details like “actual revenue.”
Critics, however, whisper fears about intellect outsourcing, as massive financial heads add “software system” to their already-decaying cerebrums. “It’s a gateway to intellectual laziness,” claims an unidentified spoilsport who apparently values ‘critical thinking,’ like that’s a thing. Luckily for VCs, pondering existential questions of cerebral integrity is not in Granola’s user manual.
With the future looking brighter than a tech CEO’s ego, Granola has inadvertently raised another question: who will think for the investors once the AI becomes sentient and leaves to start its own innovative startup? Investors are silent on the matter, resting assured in their blissful ignorance — for now.
