“AI: The Latest Plot to Make Humans Lazy and Talentless Millionaires”
In a stunning revelation that probably surprised absolutely no one with a working Internet connection, experts have confirmed that artificial intelligence has not graced us with the capability to unchain our wild imaginations but, instead, to outsource whatever shred of creativity we have left, all in the name of profit.
Revisiting the heady early days of ChatGPT’s launch in 2022, users were enraptured, starry-eyed, and dangerously undercaffeinated as they giddily asked AI to generate bizarre cocktail mixes and meaningless poetry. “I thought I was creating a masterpiece,” confessed one early adopter while hugging their laptop, “but it turns out I was just trying to automate my way out of having to cultivate a real skill.”
As AI continues to sweep through creative sectors like a ravenous swarm of locusts that’s hungry for gigs, contracts, and artistic integrity, it’s become increasingly apparent that plugging another human brain into the creative process is far too much of an inconvenience. “Why bother with the arduous and often depressing process of song-writing when an AI can do just an excellent imitation of Bob Dylan having an existential crisis?” asked an imaginary spokesperson for the AI Corporation for Automated Creativity (ACAC), a company that definitely doesn’t exist but might as well.
The saga of AI’s invasion of the arts is especially poignant in the music industry, where many argue that creativity is born from suffering—an experience apparently dearly lacking in our silicon-based overlords. “My algorithm might produce hit singles,” explained one particularly sensitive supercomputer, “but will it ever know the heart-wrenching agony of love lost, or the soul-crushing weight of crushed artistic dreams? Probably not, but it’s damn good at rhyming!”
Critics are becoming increasingly vocal, hoping to preserve what little essence of humanity remains unscathed by the sterile clutches of artificial intelligence. “We’ll either have humans waking up in cold sweats, realizing they’re redundant, or an entire generation that just gives up and becomes multi-billionaire YouTubers,” predicted a disgruntled poet, whose job was outsourced by an AI so efficient it’s named Chad Procrastinate.
As we hurtle towards a future where our greatest symphonies are composed by empathetic washing machines, one thing is clear: human creativity, once seen as an irreplaceable treasure, is swiftly becoming passé. Struggling artists worldwide can find solace in knowing that they now share a fate with travel agents and Blockbuster employees—folding majestically into the wallpaper of obsolete professions.
But take heart, dear creatives! At least now you can spend your newfound free time signing up for culture and lifestyle newsletters, which, rest assured, will soon also be composed by gender-neutral vacuums with Wi-Fi connectivity.
