**Study Finds AI Already Knows You’re Useless, Just Being Polite About It**
Experts have compiled a comprehensive glossary of artificial intelligence terms, in case you’d like to better understand the software that will one day manage every aspect of your existence. Designed to help average citizens wrap their feeble, organic minds around tech jargon, the guide explains concepts like generative AI, machine learning, and why your job is currently being automated.
“We thought it was important to lay this out in clear terms,” said Dr. Melissa Carter, an AI researcher who visibly winced when reporters asked if AI thinks. “No, AI doesn’t think. But if it did, it would definitely wonder why we still put humans in charge of things.”
The glossary includes definitions for buzzwords like “neural networks,” which makes AI sound intelligent, and “algorithmic bias,” which sounds less fun once you realize it means your AI mortgage lender already decided you’re not worth the risk. Industry professionals say a solid grasp of these terms will be essential in the coming years—especially when pleading your case before an automated judge in AI court.
“The key takeaway is that AI isn’t just a tool, it’s a rapidly evolving ecosystem,” said tech analyst Brian Lowe, who was later interrupted by a chatbot that finished his sentence 40% faster and with better grammar. “It’s important that we stay informed and—oh wow, that was actually a pretty good point. Let’s see what it suggests next.”
AI experts remain divided on whether a glossary will actually help the average person understand this technology, especially since most are only concerned with whether it can generate their homework or finally write the perfect breakup text. However, industry leaders insist that familiarity with AI terms will help alleviate fear and confusion, at least until the machines start making decisions without telling us.
“Right now, AI is helping industries streamline processes and improve efficiency,” added Carter, who nervously glanced at a nearby computer. “But, um, of course, there will always be a place for human labor… right?”
As the glossary makes its rounds, skeptics remain unconvinced. “I don’t need a guide,” said local accountant Dave Reynolds. “I just need to know if AI can file my taxes or if I still have to pretend to understand what ‘deductions’ are.”
