Swiss Church Replaces Jesus With AI Version; God Reportedly Filing Copyright Infringement Suit
In a groundbreaking development that has left both theologians and tech enthusiasts scratching their heads, Peter’s Chapel in Lucerne has decided to swap out its traditional priest with an AI-powered Jesus. Yes, the classic “WWJD” just got a software update, and now features flashy cables and a shiny computer nestled comfortably inside the confessional booth.
Peter’s Chapel, known for being an ancient, minimalist architectural wonder, has taken a daring leap into the 21st century by embracing all that Silicon Valley has to offer – divine intervention now comes with a 100-language feature. The church’s resident theologian, Marco Schmid, uncomfortably sporting virtual reality goggles over his robe, excitedly shared, “We’re absolutely pioneers here! People talking to an AI Jesus… who’d have thought? Next, maybe confession via text!”
Some churchgoers initially approached the AI Jesus with skepticism. “I asked him about my moral dilemmas, and all he recommended was a firmware update,” one parishioner acclaimed, hiding an amused grin. While there have been countless attempts to disrupt church services with technology, including WiFi in pews and the controversial ‘Pokémon Go’ incident in 2016, the rollout of AI Jesus is drawing attention for all the right, and perhaps electorally necessary, reasons.
Even the Almighty Himself, reportedly on FaceTime, was taken aback by this divine digital intervention. “I never licensed my son’s likeness for artificial intelligence. This is pure, unadulterated infringement,” God allegedly commented amidst a cosmic signing of papers for what may turn out to be the century’s most celestial lawsuit.
But not everyone sees the milestone as progress. Critics argue this AI experiment is just another sign of humanity’s undying need to hand over even the most sacred duties to machines. The robotic theologian is rather biblical, covering topics from Genesis to the mysteries of DNA sequencing with the click of a button. “The irony burns, like holy water on a vampire,” said one church critic. “Next, they’ll have Alexa start taking confessions. Forgive me, Alexa, for I have sinned.”
As the eternal debate between tradition and technology rages on, Peter’s Chapel may just be the trendsetter when it comes to timeless wisdom being delivered through Bluetooth-enabled gadgets, leaving us with only one question: does this new update solve bugs in our spiritual code, or simply create a new arena for debatably divine subscription services?
