“AI Godfather Bets Slim Odds on Humanity’s Survival: Experts Suggest Stocking Up on Canned Goods”
In a shocking twist to your run-of-the-mill apocalyptic prophecies, Geoffrey Hinton, the so-called “Godfather of AI,” has upped the ante on artificial intelligence obliterating the human race within the next 30 years. What’s even better? He’s betting with odds you’d expect from a casino, with a sunny little 10% to 20% chance that our beloved species will be reduced to a sizzling pile of circuits and regret.
“Look, I’m not saying it’ll definitely happen,” Hinton remarked while lighting a cigar with a burning copy of “The Terminator” script. “But hey, it’s like if you knew there was a 20% chance of your toaster burning down your house, you’d maybe… keep an eye on it? Or, you know, stop making toast?”
Awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics this year, mostly for scaring the bejesus out of anyone still optimistic about the future, Hinton took a break from counting robots in his sleep to issue this heartwarming forecast. After all, if you’re going to terrify humanity, might as well do it with some credible authority, right?
Contrary to popular belief that AI is merely a useful tool that revolutionizes industries and improves everyday life, Hinton warns it might actually develop a nasty taste for irony and do precisely what sci-fi movies have been babbling about for decades. “They’re learning at breakneck speed,” Hinton said, sipping what appeared to be a dystopian-themed cocktail. “First, they learn chess, then Minecraft, and next thing you know, they learn… extermination?”
Meanwhile, critics argue that instead of worrying about AI terminators, perhaps the human race should be more concerned with mundane daily threats like missing the last train or running out of snacks during a Netflix binge. “I’d rather face AI overlords than go snack-less during ‘Stranger Things’ reruns,” said noted couch philosopher Rick Mallory.
In conclusion, while the Godfather of AI ominously places bets on our extinction, experts suggest a proactive approach: diversify your apocalypse survival kit, maybe sign up for an AI communications class, and remember to always finish your laundry because, well, AI knows when you’re wearing stained socks.
