AMAZON’S AI-WRITTEN ADHD BOOKS SUGGEST “JUST FOCUS HARDER” AND OTHER REVOLUTIONARY ADVICE
In a stunning display of algorithmic incompetence, Amazon’s marketplace has been flooded with AI-generated ADHD self-help books offering such groundbreaking advice as “have you tried paying attention?” and “just sit still for God’s sake.”
DIGITAL SNAKE OIL SALESMEN ENTER MENTAL HEALTH ARENA
The retail giant now offers hundreds of suspiciously similar books with titles like “Conquering ADHD: Just Drink Water and Sleep More” and “ADHD Management: 101 Ways to Remember Where You Put Your F@#king Keys.” Each book costs approximately $9.99, or roughly $9.98 more than it cost to produce.
“These publications represent the bleeding edge of useless garbage,” explained Dr. Iam Notreal, Professor of Digital Ethics at Completely Fictional University. “It’s like asking a calculator how to process grief, except the calculator is also trying to sell you vitamins.”
EXPERTISE OUTSOURCED TO MACHINES THAT THINK WIKIPEDIA IS GOSPEL
The AI-authored texts frequently recommend treatments ranging from the obvious to the downright dangerous, including:
• Setting more phone reminders (revolutionary!)
• Drinking coffee until you achieve “laser focus” or cardiac arrest, whichever comes first
• Trying harder to remember things, because apparently nobody thought of that
Consumer advocacy groups report that 97% of these books contain identical content with different covers, while the remaining 3% contain different content that’s equally useless.
QUOTES FROM REAL HUMANS WHO ACTUALLY EXIST, PROMISE
“I bought ‘ADHD Mastery in 24 Hours’ and it changed my life,” said Totally RealPerson, an Amazon reviewer who definitely isn’t generated by the same system that wrote the book. “After reading all seventeen poorly formatted chapters, I realized I could just concentrate harder. Amazing!”
Amazon spokesperson Jenny Plausible defended the platform’s commitment to quality. “We employ a rigorous verification system consisting of checking if money can be exchanged for the product,” she explained while actively avoiding eye contact.
EXPERTS SUGGEST RADICAL APPROACH: ACTUAL MEDICAL ADVICE
Mental health professionals recommend the controversial strategy of consulting licensed practitioners instead of books written by glorified autocorrect programs.
“What the actual sh!t is happening right now?” asked Dr. Stephanie Trueman, an actual psychiatrist with credentials and everything. “These books are spreading misinformation faster than your uncle’s Facebook posts about vaccine microchips.”
Studies show that 82% of AI-generated health advice is complete bullsh!t, while the other 18% is just obvious statements like “drinking water is good” repeated in different fonts.
Amazon has reportedly responded to criticism by developing a new filtering system that will carefully examine each book to ensure it generates sufficient revenue before being approved for sale.
In related news, Amazon’s newest recommended self-help title, “How to Tell If You’re Reading Advice Written By A Digital Thought Rectangle,” has mysteriously sold zero copies.
