# DESPERATE ENTREPRENEURS PAY $399 FOR AI TO DO THEIR F*CKING JOB
## “Innovative” Platform Promises to Replace Your Entire Personality With Algorithms
In a groundbreaking development for people who absolutely hate doing their own work, Sellful has launched a revolutionary platform that allows business owners to completely surrender their identity to artificial intelligence for the low price of $399.
## Just Add Money, Remove Soul
The new “white label” service promises to generate everything from websites to customer outreach, effectively eliminating any trace of human creativity or purpose from your business operations.
“It’s perfect for entrepreneurs who wake up every morning thinking ‘God, I wish I could outsource my entire existence,'” explains Dr. Wendy Sellout, Professor of Entrepreneurial Shortcuts at the University of Getting Rich Quick. “Why develop actual skills or a compelling business vision when you can just pay algorithms to pretend you have both?”
## Your Brand Identity: Whatever The Machine Says It Is
The platform’s AI technology carefully analyzes successful businesses and then regurgitates a watered-down, soulless approximation that looks just professional enough to fool distant relatives and desperate clients.
“I used to spend hours thinking about my company values and what made my business unique,” says Todd Blankman, owner of Whatever-The-Algorithm-Says LLC. “Now I just click a button labeled ‘Generate Entire Business Personality’ and boom—instant mediocrity that’s indistinguishable from 10,000 other websites!”
## Authentic Marketing Without The “Authentic” Part
For just $399, users receive lifetime access to a service that promises to generate “authentic outreach” written entirely by machines that have never experienced human emotion.
“The beauty is that it all looks like a real person with actual thoughts created it,” says Mia Fakerson, Chief Automation Officer at Sellful. “We’ve essentially solved the biggest problem in business: having to be yourself.”
## Expert Reactions
“This is the logical endpoint of modern entrepreneurship,” notes business analyst Chad Vacuous. “Why waste time developing skills, knowledge, or personality when you can just pay a computer to simulate all three? It’s like hiring a ventriloquist dummy to be your CEO.”
Early adopters report satisfaction with their newfound ability to completely remove themselves from their own businesses. “My customers can’t tell the difference between me and a series of predictive text algorithms,” says Jennifer Nonperson, who requested anonymity because she’s not even sure she exists anymore. “Hell, even I can’t tell the difference at this point.”
At press time, sources confirmed that 94% of businesses using the platform now have identical mission statements about “disrupting industries through innovative solutions and synergistic partnerships,” whatever the sh!t that means.
