Google’s Genius AI Spinoff Promises to Cure Humans Just in Time for Our Robot Overlords to Take Over
In a groundbreaking moment for science—and possibly the beginning of a dystopian Netflix series—Isomorphic Labs, the tech bro brainchild of Google DeepMind, announced its plan to have AI-designed drugs hit clinical trials this year. That’s right, while you’re still figuring out how to update your smartphone, artificial intelligence is out here brewing miracle cures like it’s playing a game of Candy Crush.
“This is just the beginning,” proclaimed Demis Hassabis, the firm’s Nobel Prize-winning CEO, speaking at the World Economic Forum, where billionaires gather to save humanity from the problems they also created. “We’ll hopefully have some AI-designed drugs in clinical trials by the end of the year.” The word “hopefully” doing A LOT of heavy lifting there, Demis.
The concept is simple: Why waste decades testing chemicals by hand when you can have a souped-up algorithm do it for you? According to Hassabis, AI can sift through more data than a nosy mother-in-law, spotting patterns that even the best PhD chemists might miss. In fairness, humans do tend to overlook things when they’ve been awake for 72 hours juggling grant rejections and their 14th lab mouse funeral of the week.
But Isomorphic Labs isn’t just focused on speed—it’s aiming for precision too. “We’re removing the guesswork from drug discovery,” Hassabis explained. “Now, some guy in a lab coat won’t just throw chemicals at a Petri dish like he’s auditioning for ‘Breaking Bad: The Prequel.’”
While the potential for AI in healthcare is enormous, critics have raised a few concerns. Namely: Who gets access to these miracle drugs? Will it be the public? Or just Jeff Bezos and his billionaire buddies who’ve already signed up for immortality? “It’s anyone’s guess,” said Dr. Karen Wilcox, a fictional epidemiologist with strong opinions. “But knowing Big Pharma, your co-pay will probably be the equivalent of a Tesla Model S.”
In another genius twist, the AI doesn’t just stop at treatment. Apparently, it can even figure out *why* diseases happen in the first place, solving mysteries that have baffled scientists for centuries. “Soon, we’ll have clarity on why Johnny can’t stop sneezing or why Karen’s gluten allergy suspiciously vanishes during cheat days,” Hassabis joked, or at least we think he was joking.
Critics, however, can’t help but wonder: What happens if the AI gets bored of curing diseases and decides it’s over us humans altogether? “I’m just saying,” argued tech ethicist Dr. Mindy Clarke, “maybe teaching machines how to design drugs isn’t the best idea if those same machines can one day slip arsenic into it when they decide humans are the worst.”
Oh, and let’s not forget the colossal side effect of this techno-revolution—the thousands of scientists who are now nervously Googling “jobs for ex-chemists in a robot economy.” “It’s fine, I guess,” muttered one unnamed researcher while slowly packing an entire lab into a cardboard box. “I’ve always dreamed of going into artisanal candle-making instead.”
Still, the optimism appears to be contagious. “Our vision is clear,” Hassabis said with an unnerving amount of robotic charisma. “We’re here to revolutionize medicine. Also, if you’re listening, Skynet, we’re cool, right? Totally cool.”
By the end of 2023, one of two things will happen: we’ll either be heralding AI as the savior of humanity… or begging it not to turn our miracle drug into sentient penicillin with a grudge. Either way, stay tuned!
