MAN LITERALLY TOO DEAD TO STAY DEAD TERRORIZES KILLER WITH GHOST.EXE
CHANDLER, AZ – In what experts are calling “peak 2025 bulls#!t,” a deceased road rage victim has refused to let a minor inconvenience like death prevent him from attending his killer’s sentencing hearing.
Chris Pelkey, who inconsiderately died in 2021 during a road rage incident, shocked the Arizona courtroom when he appeared on screen to address his murderer, thanks to his sister who apparently thought, “You know what would make this less traumatic? REANIMATING MY BROTHER.”
COURT ATTENDEES SUDDENLY VERY INTERESTED IN THEIR SHOELACES
Witnesses report an uncomfortable silence falling over the courtroom as the digital zombie delivered his message of forgiveness, causing several jurors to whisper “what the actual f@#k” while the judge frantically flipped through law books to find precedent for the testimony of the digitally undead.
“This raises profound questions about our justice system,” explained legal expert Professor Ima Notokay. “Like, does double jeopardy apply if you kill someone who can be rebooted like a Windows laptop? And more importantly, can I use this technology to make my deceased grandfather finally admit he was wrong about that fishing argument we had in 1998?”
TECHNOLOGY EXPERTS WONDER IF THEY’VE GONE TOO FAR, IMMEDIATELY DECIDE “NAH”
Dr. Morally Flexible, head of Digital Necromancy at the Institute for Questionable Applications of Technology, defended the practice: “People are overreacting. This is simply a logical extension of technology. Today we’re bringing back road rage victims, tomorrow your dead grandmother will be critiquing your outfit choices and reminding you she never liked your spouse. Progress!”
Statistics show that 87% of Americans now want to include a “Do Not Resurrect As A Digital Avatar” clause in their wills, while 13% are actively recording themselves saying increasingly outrageous things to ensure maximum courtroom drama after their demise.
MURDERER CONSIDERS NEW DEFENSE STRATEGY: “CAN’T BE MURDER IF HE’S STILL TALKING”
Sources close to the killer report he’s considering a novel legal argument that since the victim appears to be functioning well enough to deliver courtroom speeches, perhaps the murder charges should be downgraded to “temporary inconvenient corporeal displacement.”
The defendant’s attorney was overheard muttering, “In my day, when you killed someone, they had the common courtesy to stay dead and let you serve your time in peace.”
At press time, Pelkey’s sister was reportedly feeding additional footage into the AI system to prepare for next week’s family dinner, where Digital Chris is expected to weigh in on his cousin’s divorce and finally reveal what he really thought about Aunt Margaret’s potato salad.
