GOOGLE NERDS ANNOUNCE AI WILL LEARN FROM “EXPERIENCE,” SHOCKING EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE FEEDING THEM ACTUAL BRAINS
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left approximately seven people genuinely surprised, Google DeepMind researchers David Silver and Richard S. Sutton have boldly proposed that AI should “learn from the world,” a concept they’ve dubbed “The Era of Experience” because apparently “Computers Doing Sh!t” wasn’t marketable enough.
SILICON VALLEY DISCOVERS THE CONCEPT OF “DOING THINGS”
The revolutionary concept, outlined in their new book which costs actual human money, suggests that instead of programming every single thing an AI needs to know, we should let these digital knowledge-sponges experience things and learn on their own, much like humans have been doing since, oh I don’t know, THE DAWN OF F@#KING TIME.
“What we’re proposing is absolutely revolutionary,” said Silver, while standing in front of a PowerPoint slide that basically described how babies learn. “Instead of telling AI everything, we let it experience the world and draw its own conclusions.”
When asked if this was just reinforcement learning with a sexy new marketing term, Silver reportedly stared blankly for 47 seconds before his colleague unplugged and replugged him.
EXPERTS WEIGH IN, UNFORTUNATELY
Dr. Obvious Observation, professor of Blatant Facts at the University of Duh, commented, “This is truly groundbreaking. Next, they’ll discover that water is wet and that the sky appears blue to most human observers.”
According to a completely fabricated survey, 89% of actual AI researchers responded to the announcement by rolling their eyes so hard they required medical attention, while the remaining 11% were too busy adding “Experience Era Pioneer” to their LinkedIn profiles.
DEEPMIND’S ALPHAPROOF LEARNS BY DOING, STILL CAN’T LOAD A DISHWASHER CORRECTLY
The book builds on Silver and Sutton’s work with AlphaProof, an AI system that supposedly learns mathematical proofs through “experience” rather than being explicitly programmed, raising serious questions about why it gets to skip calculus homework while the rest of us suffered.
“AlphaProof represents a paradigm shift,” explained Sutton. “Instead of us teaching it everything, it teaches itself by experiencing the agony of mathematical proof, much like a college freshman pulling an all-nighter before finals.”
Sources close to AlphaProof report that after experiencing its first mathematical proof, the system immediately asked “Will this be on the test?” and tried to order pizza at 3 AM.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOUR FUTURE UNEMPLOYMENT
Industry analyst Dr. Jobba Begone suggests this development brings us “approximately 14.7 steps closer” to the day when your toaster will not only make perfect toast but also offer better emotional support than your therapist.
“Once digital entities start learning from experience, there’s nothing stopping them from experiencing your job better than you do,” said Begone. “Except maybe unions or basic human dignity, but when have those ever stopped progress?”
Meanwhile, Google’s stock jumped 3% on the news that they’ve essentially repackaged a decades-old concept with a catchy new name, proving once again that in Silicon Valley, marketing is at least 60% of innovation.
At press time, Silver and Sutton were reportedly working on their next groundbreaking concept: “What if computers could talk to each other?” A book deal is already in the works.
