TECH EXECS ADMIT AI CONTENT ACTUALLY CREATED BY SWEATY GUYS NAMED GREG LIVING IN THEIR PARENTS’ BASEMENTS
In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming because everyone was too busy staring at their phones, major tech companies have admitted that the flood of “AI-generated content” plaguing the internet is actually produced by an army of socially awkward men named predominantly Greg, with occasional Kevins and one Dave.
BASEMENT DWELLERS REVEALED AS TRUE SOURCE OF INTERNET GARBAGE
What we’ve been calling “AI slop” – those disturbing fake celebrity images, weirdly proportioned women, and political fever dreams that make bath salts hallucinations look rational – turns out to be the work of approximately 47,000 basement-dwelling individuals subsisting entirely on Monster Energy drinks and frozen pizza.
“We just found it easier to blame algorithms than admit we’ve been paying guys named Greg $7.50 an hour to churn out absolute sh!t,” confessed Mark Zanderbürg, CEO of a company that definitely isn’t Facebook because we’re avoiding lawsuits. “It’s cheaper than actual AI and requires less electricity, though the smell is considerably worse.”
Dr. Obvi Oustruth, professor of Digital Deception at Made-Up University, explains: “What looks like advanced technology destroying civilization is actually just the same thing that’s always destroyed civilization – weird dudes with too much time on their hands.”
CONTENT CREATORS SPEAK OUT, DEMAND RECOGNITION AND BETTER SNACKS
Greg Basementson, 37, spoke to us from his mother’s house in Akron. “Everyone thinks some fancy computer is making Trump ride a dinosaur while shooting lasers at AOC, but that was all me, baby. Took me 14 minutes and three cans of Mountain Dew Code Red.”
A recent study by the Institute of Internet Garbage found that 94% of all AI slop is created between the hours of 1 AM and 5 AM, coinciding perfectly with when “normal people are f@#king sleeping,” according to lead researcher Professor Ima Notreal.
SILICON VALLEY EXECS DISCOVER REVOLUTIONARY NEW TECHNOLOGY CALLED “LOSERS WITH PHOTOSHOP”
Tech billionaire Elon Nusk revealed that what everyone thought was cutting-edge artificial intelligence is actually “Artificial Incels” – a program where socially maladjusted men are given basic image editing software and vague instructions like “make Biden look stupid” or “create something that will make people question reality while simultaneously getting horny and angry.”
“Turns out paying desperate loners to create digital horsesh!t is 78% more cost-effective than developing actual thinking machines,” Nusk tweeted before firing 400 engineers who were working on actual AI.
SOCIETY NOW FACES UNCOMFORTABLE REALITY THAT HUMANS ARE THE PROBLEM
The revelation has forced humanity to confront an uncomfortable truth: the digital apocalypse threatening our information ecosystem isn’t coming from sentient computers but from Dave in Ohio who really, REALLY wants to see what Taylor Swift would look like as a centaur.
“We spent billions preparing for superintelligent AI overlords,” laments digital ethicist Dr. Candace Beyserious. “Instead, we got superintenligent dudes who haven’t felt the touch of sunlight since Obama’s first term.”
In response to the scandal, Congress has proposed legislation requiring all internet content to be labeled as either “AI-Generated” or “Greg-Generated,” though experts warn that distinguishing between the two might be impossible as both demonstrate equally disturbing understandings of female anatomy.
Meanwhile, Greg Basementson has already created 14 fake news articles about this very revelation, all claiming it’s a conspiracy theory designed to hide the fact that lizard people control the weather. At press time, 7.2 million people had shared them on WhatsApp.
