MAN-CHILD BILLIONAIRES PROPOSE USING MORE AI TO FIX PROBLEMS CAUSED BY EXISTING AI, BECAUSE THAT’S TOTALLY HOW LOGIC WORKS

In what experts are calling “the technological equivalent of fighting fire with gasoline and a f@#king flamethrower,” Nvidia announced plans to solve electrical grid problems caused by AI… with even more AI.

THE CIRCLE OF STUPIDITY IS NOW COMPLETE

The newly formed Open Power AI Consortium, a collection of tech bros who apparently skipped the “consequences” chapter in their Disruption for Dummies handbook, believes that domain-specific AI models will magically solve the massive power drain their original AI systems created.

“It’s brilliant when you think about it,” explained Dr. Circular Logic, chief innovation officer at the consortium. “We’ve created power-hungry algorithms that are draining electrical grids faster than a teenager drains their parents’ patience, so naturally, the solution is to create MORE algorithms. It’s like curing a hangover by doing more shots.”

EXPONENTIAL IDIOCY: THE NEW BUSINESS MODEL

Industry insiders report that the consortium’s strategy is part of a larger plan called “Operation Who Gives a Sh!t About Consequences.” The initiative aims to solve every problem with the same technology that created it in the first place.

“We’re honestly just throwing technological spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks,” admitted Tiffany Delusion, Nvidia’s VP of Making Problems Then Solving Them Then Creating New Problems. “Our shareholders don’t care if we’re actually fixing anything as long as we keep saying ‘AI’ in press releases.”

EXPERTS RESPOND WITH COLLECTIVE FACEPALM

Professor Obvi Ousreality from the Institute of Common Sense criticized the approach, noting, “This is like watching someone try to dig themselves out of a hole by digging faster. At some point, you’re just making a prettier hole.”

According to completely fabricated statistics that we just made up but sound plausible enough to be concerning, AI data centers already consume 82% of all electricity in major tech hubs, with the remaining 18% powering the espresso machines keeping developers awake enough to code more power-hungry AI.

END STAGE CAPITALISM LOOKING HILARIOUSLY BLEAK

When asked how they’ll measure success, consortium member and professional reality-denier Chip Delusional explained, “If we can use AI to reduce AI’s energy consumption by 10% while simultaneously increasing AI usage by 500%, that’s a net win in our PowerPoint presentations.”

At press time, the consortium was reportedly exploring additional initiatives, including solving obesity with more donuts and addressing climate change by burning extra fossil fuels “but, like, SMARTER this time.”

As one anonymous electrical grid engineer put it: “We’re all going to die in the dark, but at least the last thing we’ll see is a really efficient algorithm predicting exactly when the lights will go out.”