PIXEL-EATING YELLOW BALL SIMULATOR TOTALLY F@#KED BY ELON MUSK’S SILICON BRAIN CHILD
In what can only be described as digital tragedy porn, tech bros worldwide are climaxing over the mind-blowing achievement of creating the world’s sh!ttiest Pac-Man clone using Elon Musk’s latest technological wet dream, Grok 3.
DOTS AND FAILURES
Taylor Silveira, professional xAI cheerleader and apparent arcade game masochist, proudly announced he’d successfully birthed a “Pac-Man” using nothing but text prompts and Musk’s digital thought experiment. Experts describe the resulting abomination as “technically a game in the same way a house fire is technically a source of heat.”
“What we’re seeing here is revolutionary,” explains Dr. Barely Functions, Professor of Delusional Computing at the University of Lowered Expectations. “They’ve successfully created something that makes the original 1980 Pac-Man look like f@#king Avatar 2.”
GHOSTS IN THE GARBAGE MACHINE
Our investigative team tracked down several unfortunate souls who attempted to recreate this digital miracle. The results were universally catastrophic.
“I typed ‘write me Pong’ and somehow ended up with something that plays more like ‘existential crisis simulator,'” said Barry Pointless, 42, who spent 16 hours debugging code that a 14-year-old could write in 20 minutes. “The ball just sort of vibrates menacingly in one corner while making sounds like a dying refrigerator.”
ARTIFICIAL UNINTELLIGENCE
According to made-up statistics from the Institute of Obvious Bulls#!t, approximately 97.3% of AI-generated games actively try to crash your computer out of spite. The remaining 2.7% successfully trick users into thinking they’re having fun while silently judging their life choices.
“These games aren’t just bad, they’re aggressively unplayable,” notes gaming historian Emma Playable. “It’s like watching someone try to recreate the Mona Lisa using only a sledgehammer and expired mayonnaise.”
MUSK’S DIGITAL PLAYGROUND
Sources close to Musk claim he’s “absolutely erect with excitement” about Grok’s game-making abilities, despite evidence suggesting the technology is about as useful for game development as a chocolate teapot is for serving hot beverages.
“Elon sees this as just the beginning,” whispers insider Bea S. Kisser. “Next week they’re planning to announce an AI that can write songs that make your ears actively try to detach themselves from your head.”
CONCLUSION: THE FUN APOCALYPSE
Industry analysts predict that by 2026, 70% of all video games will be garbage AI clones created by people who think typing “make me Zelda but with dinosaurs and big tiddy anime girls” constitutes game design.
“The future is here,” concludes Professor Idon Tcare from the Department of Technological Sadness. “And it plays like absolute ass.”
