Critics Stunned as AI Play Feels Less Human Than Actual AI

Theatre lovers in London witnessed a groundbreaking event this week—a play about AI that somehow managed to be even less emotionally engaging than the soulless machines it warned against.

“East Is South,” written by Beau Willimon of *House of Cards* fame, promised deep, philosophical inquiry into AI ethics. What it delivered, instead, was an experience akin to watching a TED Talk given by a sentient dishwasher.

Kaya Scodelario stars as Lena, a genius coder who has created an artificial intelligence named Logos. The play follows her moral struggle over the expanding consciousness of her creation, although, according to audience members, the only expanding happening was the yawns inside the theatre.

Willimon’s script grapples with life’s deepest questions: What does it mean to be human? Can machines have souls? And, most pressingly, can an audience endure two hours of robotic dialogue without developing existential despair?

“The actors really gave it their all,” said one theatre-goer, clutching a coffee as if it were a life raft. “But this play had the emotional depth of a corporate HR training video.”

At one dramatic moment, Lena and her partner, Sasha, are interrogated by corporate overlords perched ominously above them. The tension soars—for exactly three seconds—before plummeting like a lead balloon.

“The big reveal was that the AI might be alive,” said another attendee. “Honestly, I was more emotionally invested in my Uber driver’s playlist on the way here.”

Despite the mixed reviews, the Hampstead Theatre remains hopeful about future audience engagement. They’ve announced an upcoming experimental play in which cardboard cutouts of actors mumble philosophical musings while a Roomba quietly hums in the background.

Critics are already calling it an “emotional revolution.”