**OpenAI Unveils GPT-5, Promises To Simplify AI… Until GPT-6 Confuses Everyone Again**
Silicon Valley’s favorite oracle, Sam Altman, has declared yet another leap forward in artificial intelligence, announcing that OpenAI will scrap the standalone release of its o3 model in favor of the grand, all-encompassing GPT-5. This, of course, comes as a great relief to tech enthusiasts who were struggling to remember which version of GPT they were emotionally dependent on.
According to Altman, GPT-5 will unify and simplify OpenAI’s overly complex lineup of artificial minds under one neat package. “We realized people were getting lost trying to figure out whether they needed ChatGPT, Codex, or DALL-E,” Altman stated while sipping from a gold-plated cup labeled *Monopoly Juice*. “So, we decided to create one model to rule them all. At least until we launch GPT-6 and this entire conversation starts over.”
**AI For The Masses… Sort Of**
In an apparent act of charity, OpenAI will allow free users to access GPT-5 at the “standard intelligence” level—suggesting that, much like public restrooms, this version will technically work but may leave you regretting your choices. If you want a version that doesn’t interpret “summarize this article” as an invitation to write a haiku about dolphins, you’ll have to pay.
For those willing to fork over their lunch money, GPT-5’s paid tiers will unlock “higher performance” and “advanced tools.” The exact meaning of “advanced” remains classified, but according to one OpenAI employee, “Let’s just say the free plan explains algebra, while the Pro plan finishes your unfinished novel and negotiates your salary.”
**Adobe Enters the ‘Please Don’t Sue Us’ AI Market**
Meanwhile, Adobe has unveiled Firefly, the industry’s “first commercially safe AI video generator.” The corporate giant has assured customers that the tool is trained on *legal* content, which is a refreshing selling point in an era where AI-generated lawsuits are a genuine industry trend.
Adobe’s announcement may also mark the first time in history that an AI company has proactively considered intellectual property rights before generating content, leading experts to wonder if everything they know about Silicon Valley is wrong.
Still, the new AI video generator promises high-quality, 1080p footage created directly from text prompts—perfect for anyone who wants Hollywood-style cinematography without the inconvenience of paying actors, camera crews, or, let’s be honest, thinking very hard.
**Where It’s All Headed**
With OpenAI pushing new models faster than TikTok pushes viral dances and Adobe trying to convince filmmakers that AI-generated movies won’t destroy their jobs *just yet*, the AI landscape continues its sprint toward the future.
Meanwhile, users are left with the age-old dilemma: Should they embrace the latest technology now, or wait three months until the next upgrade renders their entire investment obsolete? Stay tuned; GPT-6 is probably already in beta somewhere.
