Mark Zuckerberg Replaces Fact-Checkers With Vibes, Says Internet “Will Work Itself Out”

PARIS – In an inspiring display of corporate responsibility, Mark Zuckerberg, the man whose company has meticulously curated society’s collective descent into madness, has decided that fact-checking isn’t worth the trouble. Instead, Meta will now rely on “community notes,” a bold new system where random Facebook users—yes, the same ones who believe chemtrails are turning frogs into deep state operatives—will regulate the truth.

“This is a win for democracy,” said a Meta spokesperson while adjusting their tinfoil hat. “Now anyone from your uncle who thinks the moon landing was faked to that guy who shares 97 memes per day about 5G mind control will help decide what’s real.” Experts say this shift will make way for a “truly free marketplace of ideas”—by which they mean a complete f#&%ing disaster.

Sonia Kgomo, a former Facebook content moderator who spent her days filtering out humanity’s worst impulses for less than the price of a Starbucks latte, attended the AI Action Summit in Paris to point out this blindingly obvious problem. “Instead of treating us like human spam filters, companies like Meta should invest in proper oversight,” she said. “But I guess that’s harder than just hoping the internet magically becomes less stupid.”

Tech industry analysts warn that outsourcing moderation to unpaid users is like asking a reality TV cast to decide foreign policy. “It’s giving ‘Lord of the Flies’ energy,” said one expert. “Except instead of kids stranded on an island, it’s boomers with conspiracy theories and Wi-Fi.”

Meanwhile, Zuckerberg remains hopeful. “People are smart,” he said in a statement, confidently ignoring decades of historical evidence to the contrary. “The internet has always been great at self-regulating.” As he spoke, a trending post on Facebook claimed drinking bleach could cure baldness.

The future is bright. Or, at the very least, very, very entertaining.