YouTube Announces Bold Plan to Make AI Do Literally Everything Except Watch Your Videos

In a groundbreaking move to prioritize innovation over human involvement, YouTube CEO Neal Mohan revealed his strategic vision for 2025, which apparently consists of letting AI make, dub, and translate videos while actual people presumably sit back and contemplate their growing irrelevance.

“Our AI tools will help creators generate video ideas, select thumbnails, and even dub content into different languages,” Mohan stated, totally ignoring the fact that creators already can’t get YouTube to notify subscribers when they upload a video. “With these advancements, we’re making it easier than ever to produce content—you know, for the five people who will still be making videos themselves in two years.”

One of the most exciting developments is YouTube’s expansion of age-verification AI, which will ensure that teenagers pretending to be 25 to watch questionable content now have to work at least five extra minutes to find a workaround. “We are committed to making YouTube a safer place,” said a spokesperson, before confirming that kids will still be able to access conspiracy videos about lizard politicians with no issue.

Critics worry that the company’s AI push is simply an attempt to phase out actual human creativity in favor of algorithmically generated nonsense. “At this rate, I fully expect YouTube to develop an AI that watches the content for us, likes and subscribes for us, and even leaves unhinged comments for us,” grumbled one frustrated user. “Honestly, I give it six months before AI is also going viral on our behalf.”

Sources inside YouTube suggest the next “big bet” could involve replacing the company’s entire executive team with AI as well. When asked for comment, an AI-generated Neal Mohan responded, “Sorry, we can’t process this request right now. Try checking your internet connection.”