**Elon Musk Offers $97 Billion for OpenAI, Hopes to Buy Back His Broken Heart**
In his latest move to remind everyone that he’s still the richest, most unpredictable man alive, Elon Musk has reportedly offered a whopping $97.4 billion to take control of OpenAI, the company he once helped create but then dramatically walked away from, only to realize that, oops, they were doing just fine without him.
The bid, which Musk likely scribbled on a napkin between tweets about Dogecoin, was delivered via his attorneys to OpenAI’s board, backed by a financial Avengers squad including xAI, Valor Equity Partners, and Baron Capital. According to sources, Musk’s motivation for the buyout is a deep commitment to AI’s “open-source roots” – a phrase that loosely translates to “I really miss being in charge.”
With OpenAI in talks to go full capitalist mode, Musk’s offer comes just as the company secures a potential $40 billion investment from SoftBank. But in true billionaire pissing match fashion, Musk has personally vowed to match any rival bids, no matter the cost. Because nothing says responsible leadership like making business decisions out of spite.
Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI and Musk’s latest arch-nemesis, quickly dismissed the bid on X (formerly Twitter, formerly an asset Musk has been slowly setting on fire). He even offered Musk a counterdeal: “I’ll buy Twitter for $9.74B lol.” In response, Musk called Altman a “swindler,” further solidifying that Silicon Valley drama is basically just a reality show for people with too much money and too little accountability.
Industry analysts say the power struggle matters because these tech bros are elbow-deep in shaping the future of AI, the U.S. government’s approach to technology, and, let’s be honest, the future of their own egos. However, sources close to Musk suggest that his ultimate goal isn’t just taking over OpenAI—but possibly renaming it OpenElon, firing anyone who disagrees with him, and posting memes about it in real time.
Strap in, folks. We’re all just passengers on the SpaceX rollercoaster of Musk’s ever-evolving midlife crisis.
