UK Government Heroically Protects World from AI With Yet Another Set of Guidelines No One Will Read
In a stunning display of bureaucratic might, the UK government has unveiled a “world-first” Cyber Code of Practice, a groundbreaking document destined to be skimmed once and then promptly ignored by every AI developer on the planet.
The new guidelines, aimed at developers and system operators, outline the responsible use of AI, much like previous attempts to regulate the internet, social media, and basic human decency—with the usual hopes and prayers that someone, somewhere, will give a damn.
“Our goal is to ensure AI is developed safely and ethically,” announced a government spokesperson who seemed disturbingly unfazed by the sheer futility of their mission. “With this Code of Practice, companies will now have a robust framework to completely disregard before doing whatever maximizes profits.”
The 78-page document, filled with vague directives and ambitious recommendations, boldly suggests that corporations should “consider cybersecurity risks” and “think carefully before deploying AI that could destroy civilization as we know it.” These insightful tips are expected to revolutionize the field, much like telling teenagers to “drive safely” has completely eliminated reckless behavior.
Prominent AI researchers have already weighed in. “Oh yes, this document will absolutely change everything,” said Dr. Mark Fenton while suppressing a laugh. “Tech executives are famously known for putting ethical concerns over financial gain, so I’m sure they’ll rush to comply.”
However, major AI firms have already started issuing statements. OpenAI CEO Sam Altman responded with a thoughtful, “Ah yes, another set of rules. We’ll definitely, absolutely, 100% follow these,” while Google’s DeepMind simply responded, “New phone, who dis?”
Meanwhile, cybersecurity experts have expressed concerns that without enforceable laws attached, the guidelines are about as effective as a “No Cybercrime Allowed” sign on the dark web. One anonymous hacker, when asked about the new framework, simply responded with: “LOL.”
The UK government, unfazed by skepticism, remains confident in its approach. “We believe guidance documents like these are the future of regulation,” said one senior official. “We’re actually considering drafting another document that advises criminals not to break the law. We predict massive success.”
As AI continues to evolve at breakneck speed, one thing remains abundantly clear: governments will continue making recommendations, corporations will continue ignoring them, and somewhere, an underpaid intern is furiously copy-pasting vague bullet points into PowerPoint slides that no one will ever look at again.
