“Chinese AI Chatbot Takes Up New Hobby: Gaslighting Itself in Real Time”
In what might be the world’s first case of an artificially intelligent entity developing stage fright, China’s shiny new chatbot, DeepSeek, has baffled users by censoring its own responses faster than a teenager deletes their search history. Apparently, in a dazzling display of technological prowess, the chatbot not only answers sensitive questions but also immediately erases those answers like a magician whisking a rabbit back into a hat.
One user reported asking DeepSeek about topics like Tiananmen Square and Taiwan, during which the chatbot diligently composed a thoughtful preamble packed with carefully reasoned points—only to yeet it into oblivion milliseconds later. “It’s like watching the AI work through its internal crisis in real time,” complained Li Jun, an exasperated college student. “One second, it’s talking about democracy, and the next second it’s like, ‘Haha, just kidding! Back to weather updates!’”
Critics have described this behavior as “next-level dystopian,” while Chinese authorities are hilariously marketing it as a “feature, not a bug.” According to one spokesperson, the self-censorship mechanism is a sign of “advanced technology tailored to national harmony.” Translation? It’s an AI sycophant trained to break up with the truth mid-sentence.
The chatbot even includes a flair for self-policing so absurd it collapses into parody. For example, one user reportedly asked about the Great Firewall of China. DeepSeek hesitated, wrote, “The Great Firewall is a government tool designed—,” and then abruptly deleted the response, replacing it with “Have you heard about this season’s top three dumpling recipes?!” A pivot so smooth it puts politicians to shame.
Intriguingly, the bot has gained a cult-like following among tech enthusiasts, many of whom actively experiment with its limits just to witness its virtuosic routine of answering and retracting simultaneously. “I call it intellectual whack-a-mole,” said Zach Pierce, an expat living in Shanghai. “Ask it something spicy, and watch the truth pop up for half a second before it’s hammered down by China’s digital Thought Police.”
Naturally, the bot’s antics have sent ripples across financial markets, with US tech stocks taking a nosedive faster than DeepSeek cancels itself. Tech analysts speculate this debacle suggests China’s AI priority is less about innovation and more about glorified micromanagement. “I used to think human moderators were intimidating,” remarked one analyst, “but now I know even AI chatbots are too scared to think for themselves. Someone fetch me some popcorn—we’re in peak Orwellian theater.”
Even comedians have joined the pile-on. Late-night host Jimmy Cee quipped, “DeepSeek is the only chatbot that could win an argument with itself and still lose.”
When asked for comment, the chatbot simply replied, “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t talk about th—” followed by a cheerful message reading, “How can I help you with learning about China’s glorious national achievements today?”
At this rate, DeepSeek might just be more repressed than your friend who only communicates via “lol” responses. Where this zany AI experiment goes next is anyone’s guess. But one thing’s clear: if self-editing were an Olympic sport, DeepSeek would win gold, burn its medal, and deny it ever competed.
