**AI Declared Supreme Being of Employment: Workers to Be Worshippers, Not Wage Earners**
In breaking news that apparently no one saw coming (except every sci-fi film ever), experts have now concluded that artificial intelligence isn’t content with taking everyone’s jobs—it’s rolling up its sleeves (if it had sleeves) and preparing to politely annihilate democracy too. Because why just dominate industries when you can also dominate the political system?
“The fifth Industrial Revolution isn’t like the others,” explained Simon Steyne, acclaimed grump and former rights-at-work advisor. “This isn’t about machines helping humans; it’s about machines saying, ‘Hey, thanks for setting this up, humans, but we’ve got it from here.’ By the time it’s done, we’ll be fighting for the right to polish AI’s virtual shoes for free.”
Once upon a time, labor unions had a good gig. They’d negotiate for decent wages, organize strikes, and collectively bargain with capitalist overlords to put food on the table. Workers were the backbone of democracy, clutching their union cards like golden gate passes to a better life. But in the dystopian corner we’re now hurtling toward, AI doesn’t need lunch breaks, pensions, or casual Fridays. Union bosses are reportedly scratching their heads, wondering how to negotiate a fair deal with an algorithm that doesn’t even know what a sandwich is.
“AI doesn’t get tired or complain, which is honestly terrifying. Imagine the most annoyingly overachieving coworker you’ve ever had,” said one anonymous union leader while nervously eyeing his Roomba. “Now give that coworker a God-tier IQ and the ability to replace entire departments overnight. Yeah, we’re screwed.”
The consequences could ripple out faster than a TikTok trend. Without people earning wages, democracy’s foundational promise—that everyone gets a fair slice of the pie—turns into *The Hunger Games*. Wealth redistribution becomes the new unicorn, existing for most only in fairy tales while billionaires hover in their private jets, debating whether to buy their own personal islands or just *one entire country*.
“Let’s be real,” said Elon Musk (or an AI-generated deepfake of him—no one can tell anymore). “If humans can’t compete, maybe they should just… I dunno, evolve into something more useful? Personally, I’m all for a techno-utopia where I own *everything* and you guys just vibe as holograms or whatever.”
Political parties that once championed the working class now find themselves at bizarre AI-themed brunches, unsuccessfully trying to rally support from a workforce that doesn’t exist. “We’re still here for the people,” insisted a disheveled spokesperson for the Social Democrats. “Well, the people who *are left*. Which, given AI’s track record, is just Sheila from accounting—and even she’s sweating.”
Meanwhile, capitalists are already popping champagne bottles, celebrating the perfected art of exploitation without the pesky humans getting in the way. “What will stop us? *Literally nothing,*” gushed one venture capitalist as he patted his hyper-intelligent algorithm named “Jeffrey 2.0” on the hard drive. “It’s like the Industrial Revolution, but instead of oppressed workers, you have oppressed networks being *really efficient* about it.”
But perhaps the most chilling question remains: How will governments hold AI accountable when half of them can’t even figure out how to mute themselves on Zoom calls? Will the future be ruled by a Senate made entirely of sentient Ultron knockoffs? Hard to say, but prospects don’t look great for any entity with a pulse.
“People need to understand: this new ‘labor force’ doesn’t just build wealth, it *owns* it,” said Steyne, clutching a hand-knitted sign reading “HUMANS DESERVE RIGHTS TOO” that no one cared about. “We’re on the verge of AI philosophers dictating tax policy while the rest of us barter our Netflix passwords for bread.”
As it stands, humanity faces two grim possibilities: 1) learn to live under the benevolent (read: mercilessly efficient) rule of machines, or 2) advance our collective skills to ensure that AI still needs us—by which we clearly mean learning to code at a speed rivaling a caffeine-powered squirrel. All hail our algorithmic overlords!
For now, it’s recommended you polish up your conversational skills. Not for your next human interview, but for when your boss is a server rack with no patience for metaphors. Good luck, earthlings—or as AI might call us soon, “outdated hardware.”
