OpenAI CEO Promises “12 Days of AI Christmas,” Says Gift Returns Not Accepted
In a move that has eluded Santa Claus for centuries, OpenAI’s Sam Altman is set to unveil a high-tech, head-scratching surprise for the holidays with his “12 Days of OpenAI.” What better way to spread the spirit of the season than with mysterious algorithms and existential questions about Artificial General Intelligence (AGI)? Altman, fresh from the North Pole, announced at the NYT DealBook Summit that the AI overlords have curated a selection of digital delights that’ll make regular presents look like coal in a stocking.
“Forget about your typical pair of socks or board games this year,” Altman declared. “With the potential for AGI insights and a deep dive into why Elon Musk throws tech tantrums, we’ve got all the holiday chaos covered.” The event promises a whirlwind of festive features, aptly described by insiders as a blend of “mind-blowing innovations” and “just like those stocking stuffers your aunt gives you that you politely smile at.”
Absolutely essential details include unparalleled user numbers: over 300 million ChatGPT users weekly, which is perhaps the modern equivalent of an AI caroling army. “AGI is coming sooner than anyone thinks,” Altman winked. Then again, people also thought hoverboards would be a thing by now.
Sam deftly addressed the well-documented love-hate relationship between OpenAI and Microsoft, likening it to “two reindeer heading in mostly the same direction, though occasionally veering off for some self-righteous snow chewing.”
Regarding Elon Musk’s involvement—or lack thereof—Altman simply labeled it “tremendously sad,” proving once again that even techno-billionaires are not immune to feeling like they’ve been left out in the cold without a robotic mitten.
And while everyone awaits these innovative bombs to drop over the next 12 days, Altman suggested the finale might include a groundbreaking new tool, or perhaps a rudimentary echo of Clippy that tells dad jokes.
In true holiday spirit, Altman declared, “If you don’t enjoy the 12 Days of OpenAI, you’re welcome to… uh, actually, there will be no returns or exchanges on these gifts. Sorry, not sorry,” he quipped, adjusting his binary Santa hat.
All this comes while Google DeepMind works hard to allow anyone to hop inside their Christmas cards and live the fisheye 720p dream for a whole minute with their Genie 2. Couple this with a revolutionary AI weather model promising to solve every family’s new favorite sport—out-forecasting meteorologists—and it seems the only thing AI can’t predict is when it’ll finally learn the true meaning of Christmas!
