Artificial Intelligence to Revolutionize Job Market by Politely Shoving Millions Into “Career Vacations,” According to Tony Blair’s Audacious Crystal Ball Institute
In a groundbreaking revelation that has left befuddled job-seekers reaching for their imaginary AI-support hotline, the renowned Tony Blair Institute (TBI) has declared that Artificial Intelligence will graciously “displace” between 1 million and 3 million private sector jobs in the UK. This merciful intervention will, of course, only lead to a “relatively modest” swell of unemployment into the low hundreds of thousands. Breathe, everyone—it’s just a flesh wound!
According to this crystal ball expedition, approximately 60,000 to 275,000 jobs will pack their bags every year, presumably on a semi-permanent sabbatical, as AI magnanimously crafts new roles for the tech-savvy few. “It’s like a social experiment where jobs go on adventures while workers develop new talents like binge-watching and creative existence,” enthuses the thinktank’s Chief Seer, Sir Prognosticator Indeed.
When questioned about the fate of the actual humans impacted, TBI’s spokesperson, Not-A-Robot McSmileyface, stated, “This adjustment period is a small price to pay for a future where machines can contemplate world peace and roast their human creators with clever dad jokes. Plus, think of all those delectable hours available for personal development. Knitting, anyone?”
Critics, or as they’re lovingly dubbed by TBI, “Happiness-Debunkers,” are concerned about what happens to actual people trading tech-savvy roles with their can-openers. “It’s an exciting adventure,” assured Lovely Automation, TBI’s Director of Definitely Positive Outcomes. “Being laid off is just a career vacation! Consider it house arrest for your professional life, promoting rest, relaxation, and existential questioning.”
Meanwhile, in related news, the House of Sir-Pent-Up-Frustration is contemplating a bill to reclassify the unemployed as “opportunity-expanding” citizens, complete with a discount at coffee shops that only accept payment in appreciation and digital currencies produced by algorithms sowing seeds of dystopian mirth.
To sum it up, TBI encourages you to embrace your unintentional break, relax, and contemplate the beautiful swirl of chaos swirling around your newfound free time—all courtesy of their benevolent vision for the future.
