Experts Predict AI Revolution Will Make Every Job “Feels-Like Monday”
Artificial Stupidity pioneer Jeffrey Hinton recently shelled out a cautionary tale that calls into question not just employment, but the entire concept of “doing things to pay bills.” Hinton, often referred to as the “Godfather of AI” just because “Doomsayer of AI” didn’t fit well on business cards, has made it clear: the robots aren’t just coming for your jobs—they’re coming for your sanity.
According to Hinton, the relentless march of artificial intelligence will turn every day into a soul-crushing “Monday.” By 2027, experts agree, we’ll all be optimizing our lives in a hellscape of job chaos designed by geniuses who apparently skipped the ethics class.
In a statement released in several languages—and immediately translated by AI, of course—Hinton warned, “If you thought that automation was going to relieve humans of tedious tasks, boy, have I got news that’ll knock your socks off and promptly replace them with automated sock-placement technology.”
Many professionals in high-risk jobs like flipping burgers, stitching circuits, and—*gasp*—writing satirical news articles, are bracing themselves for the great “AI-tervention.” Meanwhile, corporate overlords are giddy, envisioning a utopia where they don’t have to endure employees taking bathroom breaks, displaying human empathy, or worse—asking for a raise.
“Look, we simply can’t have people thinking they can enjoy both weekends and a paycheck,” said CEO of RobCo Inc., Max Overengagement. “AI promises us an extremely efficient work-life imbalance. And who doesn’t love that?”
Sociologists are already dubbing the future workforce “Schrödinger’s Employees,” who simultaneously have jobs yet absolutely hate every programmed microsecond of them. Meanwhile, dystopian writers are quitting their jobs, citing redundancy as AI has made even their bleakest visions look like universally-celebrated utopias.
When asked whether there was any hope for preserving jobs in the future, Hinton cryptically replied, “We’ll always need someone around to unplug the machines. Unless, you know, someone develops AI that can actually do that too.”
Economists predict that by 2030, money will just circulate within AI systems in their own cryptocurrency called “Digibucks,” with humans being given a round of applause for merely existing. Every household will be equipped with AI assistants not unlike the ominous HAL 9000 from *2001: A Space Odyssey*, except instead of asking, “What can I do for you today?” it will monotonously recite the daily mantra of, “Wage work, consume, repeat.”
While AI promises to bring eternal weekends temporally, people will only be conceptually alive for them. Hope springs eternal, so perhaps by 2040, the ‘human touch’ will no longer be an existential joke, and everyone will merely be a footnote in the annals of technological efficiency.
In conclusion, hold onto your sanity, for the age of AI brings with it not just efficiency, but also the pressing question: When did Tuesday become the new Monday?
