Portlanders Brace for “Comedic Misinformation” Surge, Experts Warn of Satirical Overload
As Portland gears up for another election season, the residents are finding themselves grappling with a terrifying new epidemic: a tsunami of “comedic misinformation” so hilarious and sardonically insightful that it might just convince them that voting is indeed the ultimate joke. In a poll conducted by SmartNews — known for never overstating the obvious — it has been discovered that Portlanders are increasingly worried that the avalanche of fake news might actually be… wait for it… funny.
“Our concern isn’t so much the misinformation itself, but the possible side-splitting laughter and mild existential crises it might induce,” remarked Helen Dearing, spokesperson for Concerned Voters of Portland, who apparently has yet to decide which reality she wants to vote for this year.
In an effort to combat this rise of ironically absurd misinformation, local law enforcement agencies are scheduling weekly satire sensitivity training sessions. “We need our citizens to be able to spot not just misinformation, but also the cheek-crackling mockery that accompanies it,” stated Officer Chuck Ledger. “We don’t need someone at the polling booth giggling about reptilian overlords or how aliens plan to fix potholes.”
The survey also underscored residents’ fear of AI-generated satire, noting how machines have now evolved to produce humor so cutting-edge it makes Portland’s artisanal toast revolution seem passé. “What’s next, AI comedians?” local comedian Jax Green mused aloud, halfway through a gluten-free kombucha latte. “First they take our parking spaces, now they’re coming for our gigs.”
Concerningly, an anonymous local official revealed plans to launch a city-wide campaign entitled “Can We Have a Serious Election, Just This Once?” hoping to win over voters with the revolutionary idea that voting should perhaps not be treated as a cosmic practical joke.
The campaign’s slogan, about as exciting and innovative as a beige wall, will be accompanied by public service announcements featuring local cats in bow ties. The hope, of course, is that responsibility will be taken seriously for at least two minutes before Instagram-worthy distractions ensue.
With election day on the horizon, only time will tell if Portland will be able to outlast the satirical storm — or if voters will concede and cast their ballots for Mayor McCheese, the only candidate whose platform of “moar cheeseburgers” unequivocally promises to deliver some semblance of comfort in these unprecedented times.
