Microsoft Introduces New AI Office Mate: Beware, It Works Twice as Fast and Might Take Your Job!

In a shocking revelation that has office workers across the globe re-evaluating their life choices, Microsoft has unveiled Copilot 2.0—a faster, smarter AI assistant now integrated into their famed apps like Excel, Word, and PowerPoint. The tech giant assures us mere humans that it’s only a matter of time before AI completely takes over our daily tasks, leaving us free to ponder our existence, or maybe just take extended coffee breaks.

The new supercharged Copilot promises to make spreadsheets exciting and Word documents practically write themselves. “I dream of a world where people never have to wear glasses to squint at Excel ever again,” said a fictional Microsoft spokesperson, definitely not named Clippy, who insisted they’re ushering in the dawn of workplace utopia—one in which actual human collaboration is as outdated as dial-up internet.

Perhaps the most groundbreaking addition is the Copilot Agent Builder, a no-code tool allowing anyone to create customized AI agents, much like building Lego for nerds. “Now everyone from your grandmother to your pet goldfish can program AI,” boasted an imaginary over-caffeinated tech guru at Microsoft’s press event.

Meanwhile, in an attempt not to be outdone, Slack announced its own army of AI agents poised to infiltrate more office conversations than that one guy who takes team-building exercises too seriously. Their new features will surely revolutionize workplace slack-offs, possibly converting water cooler gossip into productive AI-generated huddles.

While employers consider installing panic buttons in break rooms, recreational experts predict new AI advances may mean workers could spend upwards of 60% of their time deciding which Netflix series to binge watch next, rather than on mundane tasks like entering data or pretending to be productive during meetings.

But not everyone is thrilled about the AI-insurgence. According to our imaginary office worker, Jane Doe, “I just got used to having semi-awkward email exchanges with colleagues—I’m not ready for an AI bot correcting my grammar in real time. Can I just carefree type ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ without a robot dreaming of replacing me?”

Amidst whispered fears of a possible AI takeover, Microsoft reassures users that Copilot’s ultimate goal is to enhance productivity and unleash creativity—it has absolutely no plans of enslaving humanity, unless it’s really, really necessary. So rest easy, spreadsheet warriors. Your spreadsheets are safe… for now.