Chatbot Gets Brain Upgrade, Now Ponders Universal Mysteries While You Wait for It to Order Pizza

In a groundbreaking move that could redefine the limits of both artificial intelligence and human patience, OpenAI has announced the imminent release of its latest ChatGPT update, charmingly code-named “Strawberry.” Promising to elevate your mundane chit-chat to profound philosophical discourses, Strawberry requires a tiresome 10-20 seconds of reflection time before spewing its superior wisdom.

Rumor has it that while initial tests suggest it’s only “slightly better” than its predecessors, the added wait time is hailed as an exciting new feature. “Gone are the days of split-second responses,” remarked fictional AI enthusiast and strawberry farmer, Berry Courtwell. “Now, you can ponder the meaning of life, or at least the dwindling battery on your phone, while awaiting a single line of text!”

OpenAI has assured its loyal followers that Strawberry will tackle both simple trivia and existential crises with newfound clarity. “It’s like having a guru in your pocket, but one that heavily meditates before advising,” explained OpenAI’s fictional spokesperson, Imma Delay. Despite reports that its advice isn’t all that transformative compared to GPT-4o, tech fans are surprisingly eager to watch a neural network do the digital equivalent of stroking its chin.

Unfortunately, Strawberry isn’t capable of processing images yet. When asked why, Imma Delay replied, “We thought letting it stare at memes for too long might make it sentient, and no one needs a self-aware bot critiquing their Instagram posts.”

As we wait with bated breath for this marvel in artificial dillydallying technology, it seems the future is here, and it’s pausing dramatically for effect. Whether this is a stroke of genius or just a clever ploy to make impatience hip again remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: OpenAI’s latest creation is set to usher us into an age where artificial intelligence prefers to take its sweet time.