Google’s New AI Note-Taker Promises to Make Human Brain Cells Obsolete by 2024
In a groundbreaking move that threatens to obliterate centuries of human scribbling tradition, Google has unveiled its latest tool of corporate dominance: the AI meeting note-taker. This cutting-edge function will allow humans to focus on the truly profound intricacies of their corporate lives—like wondering what’s for lunch—while an AI diligently records every “important” point from a meeting that could have been an email.
Fueled by Google’s Gemini AI, this revolutionary mode of delegation comes at the modest price of $10 per user/per month, a steal considering you could now discover a newfound talent for doodling during meetings without the pesky task of paying attention.
John Doe, Google’s head of Making Humans Redundant, praised the innovation, stating, “We’ve long burdened human beings with the arduous task of jotting down monotonous meeting details. It’s high time machines took on that thankless job so humans can focus on more rewarding tasks, like pretending to look busy or crafting the perfect Fantasy Football lineup during work hours.”
Startups like Otter AI and Fireflies, who previously capitalized on the urgent global need for mechanized memory, are reportedly considering merging their operations into underground bunkers to avoid the wrath of Google’s stormtroopers.
Corporate managers everywhere are thrilled. “I always wanted to stop waking up employees during meetings to take notes,” shared Jane Papiermâché, an office manager somewhere very corporate and uninteresting. “Now they can sleep in peace! Well, until the AI starts snoring louder than Geoff from accounting.”
The “Take notes for me” feature could be configured via Google’s Admin console, officially marking the Admin console as the new gatekeeper of all digital distractions.
As companies scramble to redefine what the heck humans even do now, it seems Google’s note-taking AI is yet another step toward an AI-powered utopia where humans will no longer be desolately tethered to tasks they’re not particularly good at or interested in anyway. Instead, they’ll be free to… you know, exist.
