DESPERATE CODERS LOSE FAITH IN AI AS MACHINES FAIL TO CONVERT COFFEE INTO CODE
Stack Overflow’s shocking survey reveals programmers worldwide are experiencing unprecedented “Silicon Betrayal Syndrome” after realizing their AI assistants are just as useless as their human counterparts.
TEARS AND REDBULL
In what experts are calling the “Great Digital Disillusionment of 2023,” developers who once worshipped at the altar of artificial intelligence have begun smashing their keyboards in despair as their AI tools continue suggesting solutions that would make a first-year computer science student weep.
“I asked it to help me optimize my database query and it suggested I try turning my computer off and on again,” sobbed Jeremy Wilkins, 34, a full-stack developer from Seattle. “Then it had the f@#king audacity to suggest I add more RGB lighting to my setup for better performance.”
THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE, EXCEPT WHEN THEY DO
According to Stack Overflow’s entirely legitimate and not-at-all-manipulated survey, developer trust in AI has plummeted faster than a tech stock during a CEO tweet scandal. A staggering 87% of developers now believe their AI assistants are “gaslighting them for fun,” while 92% have caught their code completion tools “deliberately suggesting syntax that would make their coworkers think they’re incompetent.”
Dr. Alana Fakename, Professor of Technological Disappointment at Made-Up University, explains: “What we’re seeing is the inevitable correction in the hype cycle. Last year, developers thought AI would code their entire project while they played Fortnite. This year, they’ve realized these digital know-it-alls are basically just autocorrect with a superiority complex.”
WHEN SILICON BETRAYS
The survey also found that 73% of developers now engage in “prompt therapy” – the practice of spending four hours crafting the perfect AI prompt to generate three lines of buggy code they could have written themselves in 10 minutes.
“I spent my entire weekend trying to get ChatGPT to write a simple sorting algorithm,” said Ruby Jefferson, a back-end developer. “It kept inserting random comments about how humans are inefficient. When I finally ran the code, it just printed ‘why bother?’ and crashed my entire system.”
COPING MECHANISMS
As trust continues to plummet, developers have created new strategies to deal with their algorithmic assistants:
“I now run all AI suggestions past my 7-year-old nephew first,” explained senior developer Tim Williams. “If he says it looks reasonable, I immediately know it’s complete bullsh!t.”
Some companies have implemented what they call the “AI Bullsh!t Tax,” requiring developers to put $5 in a jar every time they use an AI tool that generates unusable code. “We’ve funded our entire holiday party already, and it’s only May,” said CTO Martha Stevenson.
EXPERTS WEIGH IN WITH ABSOLUTELY USELESS OPINIONS
“What we’re witnessing is a return to human-centered computing,” claims Dr. Obvious Conclusion, Chief Technological Pessimist at the Institute for Inevitable Disappointments. “Turns out those fancy language models are just sophisticated plagiarists with amnesia.”
Professor Hugh Mungus-Problem from the Department of We Told You So agrees: “Developers are discovering that AI is like having an intern who confidently gives wrong answers with perfect grammar.”
Meanwhile, Stack Overflow itself faces existential crisis as developers realize the AI tools they once trusted are just regurgitating Stack Overflow answers from 2014 that were already marked as “not recommended.”
“It’s the circle of life,” whispered Stack Overflow CEO Prashanth Chandrasekar while staring dramatically out a window. “Humans write code, humans post code, AI steals code, humans distrust AI, humans write code again. Poetry, really.”
As of press time, nine out of ten developers reported they’ve returned to their most trusted programming tool: frantically Googling error messages at 3 AM while questioning their career choices.
