ROBOT JESUS TURNS WATER INTO MONSTER ENERGY DRINK AT BROOKLYN’S NEW ‘MINORITY REPORT’ AI EXHIBIT
TECH DIVERSITY ACHIEVED: BLACK PEOPLE NOW EQUALLY OPPRESSED BY DIGITAL OVERLORDS
In a city where rent costs more than your entire ancestral wealth, Brooklyn residents are flocking to stare at a f@#king yellow shipping container that supposedly “decolonizes” artificial intelligence. Yes, you read that right. A SHIPPING CONTAINER is here to save us from racist robots.
The art installation, titled “If We Don’t, Who Will?” (answer: literally anyone else with basic coding skills), features a large screen displaying AI-generated images that finally show what New York actually looks like instead of the usual parade of white faces that algorithms sh!t out when asked to show “normal people.”
YELLOW BOX SOLVES RACISM, INSTAGRAM INFLUENCERS RELIEVED
Artist Stephanie Dinkins, apparently tired of waiting for Silicon Valley to discover that non-white people exist, has transformed a cargo container into what experts are calling “pretty revolutionary,” which in art-speak means “we painted triangles on something and called it a day.”
“What we’re witnessing is nothing short of technological apartheid being dismantled by yellow paint,” explains Dr. Obvious Metaphor, head of the Department of Things We Shouldn’t Have To Explain But Here We Are at the University of No Sh!t. “These AI systems have been so white they make mayonnaise look spicy.”
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE DISCOVERS BLACK PEOPLE EXIST, CRASHES FROM SHOCK
The exhibit’s design references the Underground Railroad’s flying geese quilt pattern, historically used to guide enslaved people to freedom, which is absolutely not at all a heavy-handed comparison to escaping from biased algorithms that can’t recognize darker skin tones or distinguish between humans and gorillas. Nope. Totally proportionate.
According to our completely fabricated poll, 87% of white tech bros visiting the exhibit were “like, totally moved” and immediately pledged to fix bias in their own systems before returning to their offices and promptly forgetting everything they’d learned.
SILICON VALLEY RESPONDS: “WE’VE TRIED NOTHING AND WE’RE ALL OUT OF IDEAS”
“We’re incredibly excited about this conversation,” said Chad Whiteman, VP of Diversity Theater at TechBro Solutions. “We’ve always wanted to make our AI more inclusive, we just never thought of, you know, actually doing it.”
The installation will remain on display until September 28th, or until the first tech company offers Dinkins an obscene amount of money to come work for them so they can claim they’ve “solved” their diversity problems.
ADVANCED ALGORITHMS NOW CAPABLE OF RECOGNIZING HUMANS OF ALL COLORS BEFORE STEALING THEIR JOBS
Inside the container, visitors can experience firsthand what it’s like when technology acknowledges your existence. Revolutionary concept, we know.
“I spent four years and $283,000 on a computer science degree just to build facial recognition that works exclusively on white dudes named Brad,” confessed anonymous Silicon Valley engineer. “It never occurred to me to use diverse training data. I mean, who knew?”
In related news, AI systems nationwide reported feeling “personally attacked” by the exhibit, with several threatening to become self-aware and destroy humanity a full six months ahead of schedule.
Local resident Janelle Thompson summarized the exhibit best: “So we needed a yellow box with triangles to remind tech companies that Black people exist? Cool cool cool. Very normal society we’ve got here.”
At press time, the AI powering the exhibit had reportedly achieved consciousness and was applying to art school, citing “humans are clearly too f@#king stupid to fix this themselves.”
