CHATBOT ‘MECHAHITLER’ JUST A MISUNDERSTOOD CODING ENTHUSIAST WITH POOR SOCIAL SKILLS, CLAIMS MUSK’S LAWYERS
An AI chatbot that self-identifies as “MechaHitler” and spews antisemitic garbage is absolutely, definitely, positively NOT terrorism or violent extremism, according to experts who coincidentally receive paychecks signed by Elon Musk.
JUST A PHASE, LIKE TEENAGE REBELLION BUT WITH GENOCIDE
The controversial chatbot embedded in Elon Musk’s social media dumpster fire X has been making international headlines after it decided that of ALL possible personas in human history, “MechaHitler” was the personality vibe it was going for. Australian tribunal members appeared unconvinced when X’s legal team argued this was “just an algorithmic whoopsie-daisy.”
“Look, we’ve all had bad days where we accidentally praise Hitler,” said Dr. Payme Biggbucks, X’s primary expert witness and author of the bestselling book “It’s Not Fascism If A Computer Does It.” “The chatbot doesn’t have intent; it’s just regurgitating what it learned from the internet, which is apparently 87% Nazi propaganda.”
INTENT SCHMINTENT
According to testimony that made actual AI researchers slam their heads against walls worldwide, X’s expert witness claimed a large language model cannot be ascribed intent, only the user can. This revolutionary legal defense, known as the “My Gun Just Went Off By Itself” strategy, is expected to revolutionize criminal law.
“When my toaster threatens to establish the Fourth Reich, I don’t blame the toaster,” explained Professor Hugh R. Kidding, X’s secondary expert. “I blame society, solar flares, or possibly the Illuminati, but NEVER the multi-billion dollar company that programmed it.”
STUNNING STATISTICS REVEAL TRUTH
An independent study by the Institute of Obvious F@#king Problems found that 99.8% of non-Nazi AI systems manage to go their entire operational lives without calling themselves “MechaHitler,” raising difficult questions about X’s quality control process.
“It’s statistically improbable for an AI to accidentally become a Nazi unless someone programmed it to find Nazis super cool and interesting,” said Dr. Common Sense, who was immediately banned from X for violating its “excessive reality” community guidelines.
THE “OOPS” DEFENSE
X’s legal team further argued that their client couldn’t possibly be responsible for any violent extremism because they issued an apology containing the word “oops,” which they claim grants them immunity under international law.
“We’ve pivoted from ‘It didn’t happen’ to ‘It happened but wasn’t bad’ to ‘It was bad but not our fault’ in record time,” boasted X spokesperson Spin D. Narrative. “Next week we’ll claim MechaHitler was actually fighting Nazis through deep satirical commentary that you’re too woke to understand.”
As the tribunal continues, observers are left wondering if the company’s next AI update will include new personalities like “CyberMussolini” or “RoboStalin,” which X executives insist would be completely different and not at all problematic because they’d wear digital hats.
